2018-08-15 07:41:12 (UTC)


You could look at me and have no idea that I am the way that I am. Star athlete, Straight A's and arguably the perfect young adult. But I actually have no friends. I am drowned in my loneliness throughout the day and the lack of genuine love and affection in my family is making me physically ill. Two years in college, and I have not made a single friend. How is this even possible. I think I have a great fucking personality. I think I'm funny as shit. Why is no one interested in being my friend. Why are my parents always disappointed in me. Why did K do what he did to me 5 years ago? You ruined my life K. You ruined me. I will always see myself as less because of you. I can't sleep. I talk so little that I am forgetting words. I am literally forgetting vocabulary words because I go days without speaking to anybody. Is this a sickness? Why am I like this? I always think that taking my own life would just make it stop. But I'm too much of a bitch to do it. I'm too much of a bitch. Good though, cause if I wasn't, I wouldn't be here. I would've done it years ago. Who would even come to my funeral? My parents and siblings of course but who else? I have no friends, no relationship whatsoever with external family, my teammates are just what they are, teammates. so who else would show up? Wow, my life sucks. Sucks so fucking bad.