Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-08-13 03:12:11 (UTC)


I was supposed to have a house party tonight. It's 3:15am now. It was pretty last minute though, my parents said they were going away and I wanted to take advantage of that. I started feeling quite sick when I finished work Sunday morning though so I decided to call it off. Probably a good thing I did really because I would have got carried away and I'd really be paying the price later on in the day. It was hard to make the numbers up because of such short notice and nobody really wants to party on a Sunday night. I could have done it for tonight but I'm such a geek, the World of Warcraft expansion comes out at 11pm and that is going to dominate my life for at least a week solid.

Unless you've played the game or are passionate about other games or video games in general, you won't really understand I guess. I've been playing World of Warcraft since 2005. I would never say I'm "addicted". I've never felt addicted to anything in my life. I do things because I enjoy them and if I no longer enjoy them, I will stop, like I have done many times in regards to WoW. If the content dries up, if I find something else I want to pursue or put my time into, I unsub and that's the end of it. Video games in general are a massive escape for me and a very important part of my life. Video games are my hub and my social life stems from them. Most of my best friends are people who I have met 10 or 15 years ago and I've grown with them. They know more about me than people I went to school with. I do always return to WoW when they release new stuff. I'm very interested in the story line and where it's heading. That's not really any different from say, a TV show or a series of films or books. People don't really look at it that way though. Being sat in front of the television or going to the pub every night is supposedly more appealing and "cooler". I don't really care what people think of me though. I'm a geek and I'm happy with that. I don't just play the game. I like their books, audiobooks, all that kind of stuff. I've always loved their soundtracks too. I've been a fan of the Warcraft franchise since I was about 12 years old.

Video games have always been my safe haven from an early age. I was into football and stuff too but I didn't have many friends growing up. I was quite a shy boy. My first console was a Super Nintendo (SNES), it was my fathers. I remember playing that a lot when I was a kid and in 1996 I was given a Nintendo 64 for Christmas. I still think that's my favourite console of all time. That's where my love began for the Zelda franchise. For me, it was just comfort. I was relaxed, safe. I wasn't out in the streets worrying about things or getting into trouble. I got bullied really badly in high school too. To the point where I wanted to kill myself. It really is a pure comfort thing. I feel safe and sometimes, happy. It's quite hard to explain and describe to people who don't really feel any connection to video games. To some people they must be thinking "What the hell is this guy talking about?". They are so much more than just video games. They are the equivalent to books, TV shows, any of the stuff that you enjoy. I don't just play a game to kill time. I play a game to fall in love with it. The character development, the story line, the music. All of it.

It's just nice to disconnect from the real world, forget about your problems and sink your time into something. Whilst I do realise this isn't something I can do forever, I know video games will always play a huge part in my life and I'm very thankful for the people I have met and the experiences that I have had. I wouldn't change any of it. I hope if I'm ever to have children that they have an interest in gaming so I can teach and show them everything I grew up with.

There aren't many things that I do enjoy in this world and whilst I would love for nothing more than the ground to swallow me up and for my life to end, it's not going to happen. Whilst I know my ex has moved on, if I was ever to hurt or end my life, that would send her spiralling out of control and she would be wracked with guilt for the rest of her life. That isn't an option. I can't do that to her. So whilst I am stuck here until my final breath, I'm going to do and enjoy what little things I do in the world. Is it an addiction? You be the judge.