✯Sincerely, Me✯
☯LivingWithMyself☯
Just Sad
Dear Reader,
I decided even though they would get pissed that I would spend the night with R because she just has to keep her grandchild this weekend even though she has her hands full with her sisters dog, and her own dogs..
She keeps the baby almost every single weekend, and I feel like shit when she asks me to stay, because she doesn’t ask me to stay because she wants to me around for me.. it’s because she needs help. And I feel like shit, because I really just don’t want to do it every weekend.. and I’m going to be honest, my baby cousin is starting to be.. bratty. And I truly truly hate to say that.. but she’s got to where she will SCREAM, and pitch fits.. and it’s all because R gives into her, and isn’t putting her foot down to her.
And I can’t do anything with her because of it. She’s closer to 2 than she is 1. And she’s basically learned that if she screams like that, and pitches a fit, and holds her breath she’ll get what she wants.
Lately, I’ve just been picking her up, blowing in her face to make her breathe, and calming explaining to her that her grandma HAS to walk her dogs, or she needs to wash her hands or go to the bathroom etc. and she is going to have to give her time.
And I explain calmly, and slowly, and I repeat it over and over, and she eventually will just stop crying.
R wants to make her happy, and wants to give her things, and I support that. I want them to have a very close relationship.
But I’m starting to notice that she avoids even getting onto her when she needs to, and is afraid of her tantrums.
I love the baby dearly.. but I’m afraid that they’re condoning bad behavior, and it’s hard for me to deal with when I have to take care of her.
When I first started staying with her, I didn’t have a phone. She doesn’t have internet. So I’d lay awake all night, unable to fall asleep, and I usually fell asleep about 4-5 and then she wakes me up at 8 am to hold the baby so she can take the dogs out all and all that..
She used to hang out with me when she put the baby to bed, and we wouldn’t talk, or watch tv, and have snacks together.. but now she goes straight to bed when the baby does. We used to stay up until 11, then it became 10.. and now it’s 9.
And yeah.. she’s tired. She needs sleep.. I understand that.
So I still don’t sleep. I never sleep.. I at least have something to keep my mind occupied.. when my service doesn’t cut out.
I’m just sad.. sad from today.. sad because I’m always sad at night... and sad I have no one to talk to.
Sincerely,
Me
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