Experienced Life
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2018-08-03 10:20:40 (UTC)

Well, as expected, the panic attacks started

I let my girlfriend go last night. So I'm feeling what I knew was going to happen. I was already aware and as ready as I could be for it. However, it doesn't make it any easier. I feel the initial panic attack, regret, and sorrow. Like I said, I knew what would happen and I'm doing what I can to cope. My friends will be there. Thank God for that. I just hate having to do this. Why can't there be a fast forward for times like this. I'm also grateful for the gym. Whatever toxins that my body is creating because of this stress, I can work it outta me while I'm there. Whew!! At least I have some means to cope with this freaking drama. At least it's not all just hitting the bottle effing myself up even more.

Otherwise, I do have some things to be grateful for. I'm grateful for my raise. I'm grateful that I have a lot of friends. I'm grateful that I have a special solid core of friends too. I'm grateful that my body is looking not bad physically. Never gonna land a commercial but I got a little V shape going on and my belly has some definitions now :) My arms are the lamest but I do see a little something-something there too now. I know what I can do in bed as that is/was one of the things my now ex gf commented to me on many occasions (even recently when we had our talk). I know people enjoy my conversations with them as this too was noted by my now ex gf.

I got more self pat on the back shit I can say about myself but can't recall right now. Sorry if this sounds like I'm bragging about me. I don't mean to do this. This is just my way of picking my sorry ass off of the ground again. That long lonely walk in life has begun once again :(

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