Do Not Disturb

2017-08-24 02:46:55 (UTC)

Okay lets cut the crap...

Dear journal,

Okay, lets cutt the crap. I'm an 18 year old shy introverted girl who doesn't have a job. Not even in college yet because of her low ACT score but is willing to retake it as many times as she wants to get in to a decent college. I'm a girl who let's everything gets to her that no one likes. That guys finds me as a sex toy to use and I'm just that emotional, whinny little girl who never goes outside the only time that I go outside is to walk my dog Buster. Other than that, I'm an inside person that stays in the house all day and is always occupied by her phone because she has nothing else better to do. She let her annoying brother Noah get to her when he's only 11. My parents are divorced. Graduated high school luckily to say. Never tend to fit in school. Always get bullied. Compares herself to a lot of girls by hair, clothes,makeup,body ECT... I'm quiet. I've had boyfriend's before. I've cheated on one before. Broke up with one because he was to insecure. I hate taking pictures. I'm not confident in my own body at all. If I was to change three things it would be my hair,clothes and body image unlike the one's I see in tv and/or magazines.

I'm single. I feel like guys only want me for sex. I don't know if, I'll ever find the right guy because I'm always rushing into a relationship that's never going to happen.

I'm a Christian and if you don't like that well f*ck you too. Mostly all the time I think guys are stupid. I need to excersize more. No one will ever like me. I get depressed. My dog is my best friend ( which nothing is wrong with that) . I barely go places because I have no friends. Don't have no car.. No license and I'm only 18. Ikr. Sad.

I'm a girl that doesn't have any experience whatsoever. I tend to fall for guys easily and sometimes without knowing it. Even when I do. I love to sing but I never been noticed because I'm shy and I'm a girl that tends to hide her feelings and in a journal because she's afraid to tell someone how she feels so she hides it all inside her Journal's for the past 8 years. Feels like no one cares about her even when they say they do they don't.

I feel like Antwon only wants to go out with me is because of sex. I have been bullied by a girl name.... Mackenly and by others that have used me and wants nothing more.

I have this online diary. I'm a girl that doesn't even know what she's saying half of the time.. I'm lazy when I tend to be.

Why am I even going for a guy knowing that he only wants to use me for sex?

Thinking that he could be more. The guy haven't even kissed me like he said he would. He would only come over if, he wants sex. That's it. Nothing else.

Tired of guys using me for sex. I feel like cutting myself again but I chose not too. I've done it before but my mom will find out. I'm the girl that cries out her problems.

I just don't believe that Antwon wants to actually go out with me. He just wants to be " friends with benefits".

Why does every guy wants to be friends with benefits with me???

I have trust issues. I can never trust anyone not even my own family let alone guys. I've had cavities. Probably got some now.

So, this diary or journal or whatever is just a way for me to express my so- called " feelings". I'm not even a great writer. I tend to be but theirs no use.

I said that I was going to excercise but that I never do. I said that I was going to cutt down on sweets but I never did but at least I've been drinking water.

My brother Noah is so annoying. I swear I just wanna slap him like I did one tome when he called me a b* itch. He talkes way to much. And always gets an attitude as in talks back. He does it even with me. But even if, i hit him I'm the one who always gets in trouble for it. So, at least you know a bit about me. Okay maybe a lot.

Most of my entries are sad and depressing. I like to sing. Write songs but whenever I'm emotional.

I've only been in a fight once and it was with a girl I don't like and her sister was their. Over a not. They took my phone lied to the police even when they had it in their hand. I wanted to fight her again but the police held me back.

My brother is protective of me ( not Noah) but not anymore since, he moved to Atlanta with my dad to play football ( I should've gone with them). My dad's always getting into me about getting a job ECT.... But I live with my mom. I'm nice. But people take that for granted. No friends. I like the idea of staying to myself so, I won't have to deal with hope to say drama especially with BOYS....

But hey, nobody's perfect. I've learned that the hard way.

Write more as soon as possible

Yours Truly,


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