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Well, today is the day
Today is the day I have the talk with my girlfriend. She suggested we take a break back in July 20th and you know what? She was right to do so. Smart move I think. She isn't stupid that's for sure. It gave her time to think and I didn't understand it but it gave me time to think too. It was a great idea. It was hard and I'm so impatient at times but I have to admit she was right to do this. A lot went on in my mind. So many thoughts and what ifs. Looking at the different possible paths in life I may be facing. With her, without her, even sort of looking to see who would maybe be a possible future dates should I be running solo again. I know that last train of thought was sort of bad but when you have a lot of time on you hands, you do end up thinking all sorts of scenarios.
I do know that the book I bought about the 5 different types of love has been very useful for me. It changed me in a way I will treat any woman, friend, or relative. So I look forward in life to hopefully show the new me and maybe just maybe be a better person. There was a saying I read that said " I learned my biggest lesson through my most painful moment". I'm sure I mucked up the words but you get the general idea. You learn valuable lesson through the crappiest of moments. Worse case scenario, I've change and I'm thinking for the better.
My friend at work says if I end up splitting up, I should join POF. I tried online sites awhile back and never did all too well. I hate to not try anything new so I don't just say no but I never had much luck on that stuff. I may try again if I break up. Again, just looking at future options if it happens. I think sometimes that I should take a break as I will be on the rebound probably but then again, another thought is life is too short. Do what I feel like doing.
I'm trying to put as much non-bias logic into this. If we're together, that'll mean she does still love me too. That does mean we do have enough to build on and I can start building with the newfound knowledge of what I read. Have that real love grow and see what happens. If we are no more, then that too is again ok. That would mean she didn't want to build anything with me. If she is still hung up with her demons because her ex husband left her one day via a text. (That must've sucked and I've been supportive in what she experienced and tried to show her that I cared, loved, and even brought up the M word to her. Sometimes in jest but just to make her feel special.) If she splits because she has her wall up, then I can't change that and she will one day regret it. I hope she's smart enough to see that she has that problem and be able to decide while she is calm and relaxed.She does know she has that issue. We talked about it in the past. Deciding to split at that time is acceptable and I would honor that. I would say that it was the right decision for both of us. If she is deciding while she is upset, resentful, or with some ego, then that would be sad and decided wrong. Still, I wouldn't have a choice but I would feel like we chose wrong and some regret would be felt not to see it through.
So, I'll be seeing her in about 6 hrs. I wish I had a crystal ball. It would be good to know what will happen. Heck, if she is dumping me, then I'd rather save time and she just call me instead of me driving out to her workplace and finding a place to eat lunch and chat. I would have to pick her up and it'll be an awkward drive back to drop her back at her building. I know nothing I can say or do at this time will make her change her mind. She did have a lot of time to think about what to do with us. I guess she is classy as she got dumped by her ex husband via a text. So I guess it's ok that she does this face-to-face. I can respect this I guess. So I'll probably thank her for being a better person and breaking up in person. I guess that is cool of her to do so.
I know today's crossfit class will be a must-go for me. I love going to class. It does clear my mind. I do have friends there to smile to. They are a cool bunch of folks. I think there may even be someone there that may be a possible future date. Maybe. She actually friended me of Facebook so it'd be easy enough to start chatting with her. We shall see :)
Well, I've been babbling again. Lot's of this is a repeat of what I've been babbling in previous posts. Sorry, it's my way to cope with this stuff. I'd ask peeps to wish me good luck and stuff but I'm going to pray to God that the best thing for my life happens. Not to stay together with my girlfriend but I want what he believes is best for me and my future. I'm at peace with that future.
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