tyme26

JT's Life
2018-07-26 12:08:00 (UTC)

Emelyn Saige Clarisse Shockley-Smith

Thursday July 26,2018 12:08!am
Wow! I feel so guilty for not updating my diary over the last 10 months there is literally so lych that i have to say, especially about this one girl named Emelyn Saige Clarisse Shockley-Smith aka Saige Smith. Saige has changed my life so much in the 8 months that i have known her. As i am writing this i am mad at myself for not writing in my journal ab this lovely girl. Long story short 8 months ago I met Saige on Nov. 18,2017 around 10-10:30 am at the Young Not Silent UC program that mr. ravenna had planned. As the day went we talked a lot to each other and got acquainted. Come to find out she was really sweet and nice. We get back on the bus and its late and dark. She starts to lay on my shoulder. Its funny bc throughout i knew that she had caught feelings for me. She would laugh at everything i said and being that i laugh at almost everything i knew that the stuff coming out lf my mouth was not even that funny but i like the game. Anyway she leans on my shoulder. From there we chit chatted throughout the night and i told her that it was nice meeting her on sc when it was time for bed. The next mornin the same spark from the prior day had still remained and i kept talkin to her and tryin to talk to her. As i realize now that i wasnt really attracted to Saige physically when i first met her but rather ummm whats the word.... basically i was fascinated w her wonderful personality. Later on i discovered how lucky i really was bc not to be inappropriate but saige has a nice body. she has really nice boobs and her booty is so big. I got Saige’s nukber after the retreat and slowly but surely we started to ft a lot. I was nervous the 1st tile but then i knew that saige was so easy to talk to. I told her my life story over one call and she told ab her 5-6 ex bfs. Dec 1 we went to the Festival of Lights which is when i realized that i actually really liked saige bc i hate the zoo. That night we got over the fears of “just being friends” to holding hands. I really wanted to kiss her but As our feelings got strong for each other she gave me the hints that she wanted me to ask her out. i did on Dec 15,2017 during a HAC salsa event. That night was so fun j damcing w her. now that we were together, we quickly faced one small dilemma: i couldnt see her on a regular basis. I was quite scared to ask my
parents if i could see her bc long story short her parents were lesbians and i knew how my parents felt against that but i didnt wanna tell saige that bc that would break her heart and when she told me that one of her ex’s left her bc of her parents i couldn’t hurt her. And saige told me that i was the best boyfriend she has ever had and all her other bfs were dumb😂. I really thought that was fumny bc how hard can it be to be a good bf and treat yo girl right. Saige was a keeper but i messed up with her. But now that i think about it Saige and I although bf and gf were better friends. We talked ab out problems and told each other secrets and confided in each other. I have never experienced that love and care like saige has( from a person outside my family). I have told myself
multiple times that saige was my bf but our friendship wont be the same anymore or maybe it can be. Anyway me and saige broke up on Jan 7,2018. She was in a rough place. We talked it out a couple weeks later and she felt that she was coerced by her BFF, Emma thomas into breaking up w me. I forgave her bc at this point me and saige were at the love stage and i knew that saige really loved her. Despite what everyone was sayin ab saige and callin her ugly, I stood by her side because i loved saige and still do bc she is perfect and makes me feel alive. I never got back together w saige and i was lyin to saige and myself bc i didnt want my parents to find out that her parents were gay and lose saige and break her heart. Plus i was scared to ask my parents ab hangin out w others anyway bc i always get interrogated and asked who is going and dahdahdahdahdah. I wanted saige so bad but had some doubt that she was j a little of a bad influence (she juuled, drank, and smoked 1 time). And me and saige texted a lot of dirty things but it felt good in the moment. She told me how bad she wanted to suck my dick and bang me and do a lot of different things to me. I liked it even though it was wrong. It just felt so good. And i wanted to get some head. And quite honestly i wanted to have sex w saige bc i felt that it wold
be passionate and not j her suckin my dick. But i never got the chance. I was so close to getting head from her onetime though. I rode my bile to her house but chickened out bc i thought her mom was home and sje want respondin to my texts or calls. Later on saige was really seductive too especially at the spring dance. She was grinding on my dick so hard. i remember seeing her legs and wanted to u know what in between them. she was so sexy that night. But i am guilty of thinkin of saige as an object sometimes bc i woulf get so horny that i would lose control and picture slobbing on my dick. even now it sounds tempting. But i have gone side track. Months later me and saige have a kinda friends w benefits kinda relationship w each other bc i couldnt see her and we were basically talkin. Then she told me she dudnt want to be w me ig bc i couldnt see her and ig she was tired. which i understood. We went to being j friends but i knew she kinda still liked me. Now a couple weeks later and we are going to Camp Joy. She was excited that i was comin too. I was too and quite frankly the only reason i came. But then everyting started to go hatwire. Long story short, Saige meets this guy named Jon who also goes to X, story is they’ve known each longer than that, she gets mad at me, kisses Jon and sucks his dick in one of the cabins and they are talkin/dating rn. It really hurt me though even thought we werent even dating and plus Jon was ugly too or maybe im j ugly who knows. this all happened on Jun 5th 2018btw. The bus ride back home was some embarrassing, everybody in the whole camp knew saige sucked his dick. I felt saige was rubbin it my face too. What really hurt me though was that on the bus i saw her take a tiny little glance at me that said she was sorry that this happened at least thats what it looked like😂. Everyone was laugin at me and giving accolades to Jon/saige. I was pissed. I didnt saige would do that bc she’s so nice. But we werent dating so she had every right to. Ig saige was sending me a message and tellin me that her and i were done. I really miss saige and cried over her. I couldnt badmouth saige tho. I couldnt call her a hoe or a bitch cunt slut whatever. You wanna know why bc i still loved her. But i had to wonder did saige even love me and if so why did she do this to me. Also saige told me on the bus to camp joy that i was a good friend. by the way she told me that i thought that she was hinting she still liked me. so i asked her did she still liked me and she said yes and i was like yeah!!! And then she asked me the same question. And i asked her if we could get back together if we hung out more and she hesitated and said either maybe or yes. i seriously cant remember. i still miss saige. i think ab her a lot. i want our friendship back and the ft calls. i miss that. Ik im crazy for liking her but deep down i feel like she might come back and regret what she did. June 30 th she told sent me this meme that said “do u ever talk to someone so much that they become apart of your routine and when they’re no longer there ur days are kinda sucky” and commented under the meme “Lowkey i miss you sometimes”. I said yea me too and then she told me “ok bye 😂”. I wanted more but that was all i got. she has txted me a few times after that but i want her to really miss me and tell me thst she made a big mistake with that other guy jon. he’s not a bad guy, i j want my saigeey back. I want to tell saige how much i miss her and stuff but i dont wanna come across as weak plus im hopin she this “No contactin ur ex” thing is gonna work althouhti contacted her a couple times. not a long story short 😂but thats my story ab Saige Smith. im tired now😂gn/gm




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