✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2018-07-25 02:50:45 (UTC)

Things I Hate Talking About To New People Pt. 2


Dear Reader,

More things, that I forgot to say yesterday.

One thing is, I don't want children. There's an entry about it called Mother Dearest, if you want to know about that. That's something I hate to talk about, especially after the person says they DO want children, and this is someone you're talking to because you're attracted to them, and possibly considering pursuing something more than friendship.

I hate talking about how I live with my grandparents. As a 21 year old adult, it's embarrassing I guess. People in the world are not accepting of adults still living at home in their twenties. There's people my age who have their own place, and live separately. And I live here for a number of reasons, one of them being that they need me in a lot of ways. And other reasons are tied to my own issues.. which are also things I hate talking about, and I'll get into that more in a minute.

Something else that I hate to talk about, is not having a car, or a job yet.And that I'm not in college. And this is tied to my family needing me, and also my own issues again. It's something I hate to admit to new people, because I know how it looks.. And I hate being that person... It's not cool. It's honestly so embarrassing.

And I think this is the last thing I hate admitting.. is my mental health issues. I have severe anxiety, and depression. I have had these issues for a very long time.. since childhood. It effects pretty much every aspect of my life.. and this is something I have written about before. There is a stigma around it.. and there's so much intolerance, and ignorance about it.. to the point where I really just hate talking about it.. because I would hate for someone to belittle me for it. It would crush me for someone to tell me that these things that I deal with on a daily basis, these things that have drastically effected nearly everything in my life, it would hurt so much if someone dismissed me by saying it doesn't exist, and I'm making it all up for attention.


Talking about my problems help me in enormous ways. Writing helps a lot, too... and when I say that I hate to talk about these things, doesn't mean that I don't want to talk about these things, because I actually do. When I say I hate to talk about it with new people, I really mean that I hate to admit these things to people because I know how it looks, and I know that people will judge me for it.. and some people may decide that they can treat me a certain way because of it.

And, these aren't things I can't avoid talking about.. because these are the first things you ask people when you meet them, to try to get to know them. There's nothing wrong with asking these questions, because most people don't have issues with the answers to them it feels like. It's just so embarrassing too..

A lot of these things turn people away.. because most people are looking for independence, maturity, financial security, physical, and mental health, emotionally.. And not even just romantically.. most people who are all of the above, want to fill their life with others who are all of the above too, or at least making strides to eventually be, and mainly because there's just so much to relate to, and also because maybe they look down on people who aren't all of the above.

A lot of my friends from high school, and even online friends that I had.. have moved on with their lives, so there's really nothing we'd have in common at all at this point. There's no common ground anymore.

That's another reason why it's hard for me to talk about these things.. because people will eventually move on.

But I don't plan on staying this way forever.. I do hope to make a change soon.

It's just going to take a lot out of me.

Sincerely,
NoneOfTheAbove




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