✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2018-07-21 03:45:39 (UTC)

Lonely

Dear Reader,

I’m laying here..

Chaz says he feels so much better now that we’ve broken up.

I met a really nice guy, and we hit it off pretty good. He actually understood me, and my sexuality surprisingly well. He’s into a lot of what I was into.. but he was moving way too fast for me. We only knew each other two days, and he was already certain he wanted something very serious. That made me really anxious, and put a lot of pressure on me..

So today I admitted that I wasn’t sure yet. And he went off, and came back and said he couldn’t do this. He didn’t want to wait for me to ultimately say i wasn’t interested.

I get it.. no hard feelings at all.

It’s just so.. frustrating. Finding someone who understands me, has the same opinions, and needs and wants, and then there’s still something about me that manages to mess it up anyway.

I’ve felt so lonely, and alone.. and I can’t wait until every day is over, so I can get away from my family... but then when I get here, I lay back checking social media apps out of habit, watching YouTube, and just laying here.. alone.
It always brings me down..


This new person deciding to move on hurts because I’m so lonely.. he seemed different.

I know how sad it is.. to write in this diary all the time about how lonely I am.. how much I wish I had someone to talk to.. someone who isn’t using me.. who cares about me.

I know it probably gets annoying reading the same things over and over.. I feel like a damn broken record.

I try to do whatever I can to distract from the expanding hole inside me.. but nothing works well enough anymore..

I just feel so broken beyond repair.

Sincerely,
Me




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