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2018-07-20 01:42:02 (UTC)

Still with girlfriend

Well, I'm still with my girlfriend. We've been together since Sept 15 of 2017. Almost a year now. No clue if we are going to last. Sometimes we are doing great. Other times I see and hear things from her that says we may not be. She had a plan to go with her kiddo on vacation in 2019. I asked if I was going too. She answered she didn't plan it because she won't know if we're going to still be together. She said that she is being real. Well, that doesn't sit well with me. We may not make it.

I'm still with her but does that mean I'm freaking settling again till the end? Maybe just to not be alone? I don't know. I've been doing well with other things. Work is fine. I've been working out almost for a year now and I see I have some muscle definitions now and I lost about 40 lbs so I do look ok physically. When we have sex, I'm hard as a rock and she always gets her happy ending. I seem to last a lot longer now that I work out and I actually want to have sex more than my gf. I recall she once said early on that she had a sexual appetite. Until she met me and I actually have a stronger one than she does. haha. Even though she is 12 years younger than I am, it seems like she is the older one and not I. lol.

Let see, the ex is also back in CA where I'm at. She does text me and does small chit chat I guess. Sometimes I see pics of the kiddos. They have grown up a bit. Sad that I don't see them but like in the past, it is what it is. She doesn't try to hook up with me anymore. I guess she won her lawsuit from getting hurt at work so she don't need me financially and she must be doing fine I guess.

I am still lonely at times though. House is quiet and I live here all by myself. I do have my friends come over a lot to play darts so that's good but you know, it's not the same. I don't know exactly what is in my future. Don't know where this gf will lead to eventually. We talk about moving in together one day. Maybe in a year or so but from what she said earlier, makes me think long and hard that maybe I shouldn't be with her anymore. Gets confusing because when we have sex, it's pretty dang good. She is so tight and she does like being on top from time-to-time which is more than ok with me. However, its not all about sex.

My mind, heart, and soul does need to be fulfilled. Maybe it's not destined for me anymore. Too jaded in life maybe. All the years I fought to survive when I was dealing with my ex wife just maybe caused too much permanent damage to my soul.

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