Do Not Disturb

2018-07-15 23:18:46 (UTC)

I'm sorry

Dear journal,


I just can't seem to trust him not NOW not...EVER!!! Not knowing if, he's cheating on me or not. He still keeps stuff. Girls phone number of who he use to talk to and that bothers me but he doesn't know that it does. I get that he was single at the time but why still keep it if, you're with me. Makes me think that he's talking to them.

Why do guys do that?

Keep old messages, pictures,ect..... Makes me think that their still talking to ONE girl or, that million other girls on Facebook. In nowhere near as perfect as them. He probably prefer a girl like that. I'm probably better of dating a white guy because I'm to much of a " white girl" for a black guy to ever be interested in. I tried dating a white guy once didn't end to well considering that it was my FIRST ever relation ship and he asked ne our even when I wasn't exactly ready. But the only thing their interested in is how big my boobs are and that REALLY suck. BIG TIME! I don't know what to do. All I know is I don't wanna get hurt again. But it looks like the it's a 50/50 % chance I just might. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe I should just at least try and trust him but everyone I try and trust a guy it goes horribly wrong for me. That's how I ruined my last relationship and by talking to one of his cousins ( which I didn't know... Okay I did but I wasn't thinking at the time). BIG,BIG mistake. Then, the nexr thing you know...BOOM!!! He broke up with me... Eh!!! I deserved it. I wouldn't be surprised if, he had another girlfriend or, is talking to some other chick. I wish him all the luck in the world. But he kept hurting me as well saying he wanted to " be with me" when clearly he didn't. We're both to blame for our failing relationship or, non-relationship.

Was it wrong of me to be in another relationship?

I just thought he really liked me after all these years and I like him to don't get me wrong but now comes to think of it I'm not so sure but we've been together for 3 weeks now. His birthday is on this upcoming Thursday and I wanna do something big but...NO JOB= NO MONEY.

I went to an interview last week at Goodwill ( a different one) and they still haven't call me back. Oh well, I admit I was a bit nervous because I kept forgetting around with the zipper I hsd on my if we and then they were talking about how she oh so loves vats ( the manager) because of s hat I was wearing. I wasn't exactly a cat person because, I'm more of a dog person but I wouldn't mind owning one. I should've just lied my way into getting that job but I'm not that type of person to do that. I sounded very stupid. I couldn't findthe one's that had a dog's on it. And plus, I thought it was really cute. So, I guess that answers my question.... No job for me. I guess I just should start focusing on going back to school ( which is next month)

Write more as soon as possible


The Forgotten One

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