Habibullo-Eugene Kiselev
A Synopsis of my Life
January 10th, 2018, Wednesday, 09:32:40 p.m.
Yekaterinburg, Russia. GMT 05:00
This evening, I had a short chat with Eugene Lobanov. Earlier, I wrote to him that I felt I was becoming an independent and self-reliant author, he said that was all good. I asked him if he thought I was a good student of his. He answered that he thought I was a good student, but I lacked confidence and was a bit consigned to indolence. I explained to him I was not lazy, but rather I thought that no one will ever read my poetry, prose or translations, so why work then? “No one will estimate me anyway” – I said. “If you do not do anything, you will not achieve anything” – was the answer of the Master.
However, as we know many of the geniuses of art and science thought their works were not of a very high quality, some of them were indigent. Nevertheless, they worked hard and they did become recognized authors, painters etc. Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci, Vincent Willem van Gogh, Georg Trakl, Joseph Ira Dassin, Gavril Romanovich Derzhavin (Russian: Гавриил Романович Державин), Fyodor Ivanovich Tyutchev (Russian: Фёдор Иванович Тютчев, Pre-Reform orthography: Ѳедоръ Ивановичъ Тютчевъ)… This list can be continued. So, tonight at about 08:30 p.m., I came to an interesting conclusion. I have decided I should work hard and think, that I am nobody as did the aforementioned geniuses. So, all the details of the mosaic are here again. The wishes of my Teacher are taken into account, at the same time I do not want to suffer from megalomania.
Also today I have sent an e-mail to Vladimir Usanov. In this e-mail I wrote that I did not want to wait for 30 days, as he wrote to me and that I wanted to leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as soon as possible.
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