Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-07-10 07:40:37 (UTC)


I'm not one to speak highly about myself. I don't have many, if any resounding qualities and sadly I'm not blessed with good looks. I think my only real quality is the ability to make people laugh, which probably comes across as a big shock to many people who read my entries because they aren't exactly filled with humour. I mean my humour is dark generally but you get the idea. I'm comfortable with my humour and I've always been great at making people laugh.

Aside from that, I don't really think I have much talent or potential. I always wanted to pursue acting growing up. Not because I wanted fame, glory, money or any of that stuff. I just wanted to be somebody else. I've mentioned it before. I was bullied a lot in school and it really made me hate myself. I felt I was the problem. They were bullying me and I deserved it. I was different. I wasn't accepted. That kinda mentality. It's obviously the wrong mentality and nobody should ever think like that. Different is good, be different. Don't be another brick in the wall. I turned to acting because it gave me an opportunity to be somebody else, albeit for an hour or so a day. It was still a great feeling, I felt alive. I could forget about myself and everything I was going through and just be free. I attended a drama workshop for a few terms and I did a bit of extra work here and there. I never really saw myself as somebody who would make it as an actor but I always thought, maybe I could be a stand-up comedian. I guess that's just not what I was looking for or wanted to pursue. Acting was the only thing I was really interested in when it came to school. I took music too. I look back and I'm not quite sure why. I didn't play an instrument. I more or less skipped music class until the day of the exam when I turned up with a Stereophonics CD. I sang "Maybe Tomorrow" and walked out with an A*. I don't consider myself to be a good singer but I can read pitch well and I do enjoy it. I've been told by a few people that I have a nice voice and I very rarely shy away from karaoke. Singing is good for the soul. Sometimes I find it hard to express myself and if there is karaoke on a night out, I feel inclined to jump on and pick a song that is relevant to my mood. That way I can sing and just...get out what I need to say.

It's a blessing and a curse but I guess most of my talent lies in video games. Or maybe it lies in video games because I chose to put a great deal of time into them and honed my skills. I didn't become a good Counter-Strike player by luck. It took a lot of time, commitment and dedication. Admittedly, I have nothing to show for it. I went to a few tournaments and met some great friends. Even beat a few professional teams but at the end of the day, there's no prestige. I don't regret it though. Those times were some of my happiest.

I never really wanted to pursue writing. I was good at English in school and I've always been quite bright. At least that's what people tell me, but writing never appealed. I enjoyed reading when I was growing up. I read the Harry Potter's, Lord of the Rings, stuff like that. Nowadays it's just autobiographies. I guess I'm getting old. I started writing wrestling articles in June 2017. I'm not sure what brought it on. I've been a fan ever since I was a little boy. Wrestling was going through a very controversial period. I've always been very opinionated and if I'm passionate about something, I can talk for hours. I got into contact with a wrestling account that followed me on Twitter. They are based in Manchester and they cover a lot of wrestling news. I asked them if they were interested in opinion pieces and they asked me to send something in. I sent them my piece and I joined their team in the same month. We don't get paid to do it. We do it for our own gratification. We love the business and we enjoy what we do. After my break up back in April, I started my diary here. I had never kept a diary before and I wasn't really sure if this was going to help me in any real way but I decided to persevere and keep going with it.

Writing here has helped me in so many ways. I've had people message me and tell me that they think I do have talent. They have suggested that I start blogging and try and push it a bit more and I guess I finally feel like I have some sort of identity or aspirations in terms of a career. At first, it was purely wrestling I wanted to cover. I think sports journalist is probably the dream but I would love to write about other things. I guess I've always felt that I've had stuff to say but nobody to say it to. I don't consider myself to have talent in writing but if people think I do and enjoy what I have to say then that makes me happy and very grateful.

I'm not sure about a blog because I feel that would change the dynamic of my writing and why I write the things I do. I don't write here because I want attention, recognition or sympathy. I write here because I need to clear my head and try and regain some sanity and perspective whenever the walls are closing in on me. I feel like most blog's are motivated by money and if I decide to go down that route, I feel I might burn myself out because I'll be pushing for it so hard and wanting to achieve a following/fan base as fast as I can. With the wrestling work I do, I write an article and they publish it to their website. Some people will see it. Maybe like it on Facebook and retweet it on Twitter and then that's it. I mean don't get me wrong, I would love to get paid to write the things I do but I don't know enough about blogging or where to even get started. It's not something I'm going to think about right now I guess. I don't think many people would be interested in me blogging my personal life either. It's no fairy tale story and it's quite tedious and repetitive. I think I would be interested in blogging about Video Games, Football or Pro Wrestling though.

I'm too pessimistic to blog about myself.


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