Do Not Disturb

2018-07-07 19:26:32 (UTC)

Crazy Week

Dear journal,

Well, this 4th of July week has been very crazy for me. I'm finally able to leave and go home later on today. I mean I did enjoy staying the night here ( somewhat) and mostly seeing him. I'm ready to go back home and do what I was born to do and that is to be on my phone and to do absolutely NOTHING!

I need to try and find me a job but I just gave up on it because nobody would act like they would wanna hire me. I only had one job my entire life and my brother gets a job quicker than, I ever did. He has a great personality. He's outgoing and I'm not. I'm shy. I'm quiet. I get nervous during interviews. He doesn't. I wish I was him. He has friends. And I don't. I need to speak out more. I hope to make friends by the time I go to college. Sometimes I wish I was someone else who has an outgoing personality.

People say I have a " great personality" but honestly I don't see it. I'm just shy and quiet and just DIFFERENT. People think that being different is somehow wrong. I like to sing but I'm not as great as the others I would see on YouTube. I have stage fright.

I want a relation ship that will last a lifetime but I'm to damn emotional. I'm always " in my feelings". All I do is cry. I don't know how I'm gonna make it in life. I have my insecurites. I have low self-esteem. Every time I try and talk to anyone about how I feel they think its "all about me" so, that's one of the reason why I just started to write everything down.

Overall, nobody cares about me. I wanna go and seek therapy but my mom keeps saying theirs "nothing wrong with me" when all I wanna do is to talk to somebody. But honestly I doubt that will ever help.

So, writing is the only closest thing I have to vent out my feelings. I hope I used that correctly. I feel stupid.

Everyone is always yelling at me when I know what I'm doing. Most of the times. People think I'm crazy. I like staying to myself. I like me. I like music. I like writing. Anyways that's all I have for now.

I'm still thinking he's cheating on me even though he says he's not but its whatever. I'm not stupid. I'm not gonna get hurt again. He's not gonna hurt me. I'm not gonna let him hurt me.

Write more as soon as possible


The Forgotten One