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Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-07-02 05:11:06 (UTC)

All Over You

I suppose something became apparent Saturday night in work and that's I'm not even remotely over my ex girlfriend. Who knows if I ever will get to that point? I thought about her almost all of last night. I had to work with one of the new guys who said that he met her and worked with her all night. He actually referred to me as "the ex of 9 years" so god knows what else he's been told. He seemed like an okay guy but that was a title I've not been called before, hopefully not again either.


I started thinking about the way things used to be. I was very closed off Saturday night. I didn't really speak to anybody, I had a lot on my mind I guess. When I look back and think of some of the things me and her went through. It wasn't all bad. We did have some really great times together. He asked me if me and her were on good terms and I just said no. We probably would be on good terms if I didn't block her from everything but I don't think I can ever speak to her again. It's just complete history at this point. I'm adamant I'll never see her again and that does break my heart a little bit. I mean as long as she's out there and she's doing good and is actually happy then I suppose that's all that really matters. I guess I just hope I don't feel like this forever. It's been 4 months. She's already moved on, at least that's what she said to me during our last conversation. I don't know how it's developed but I imagine she is probably happier now than she ever has been with me. Her escaping me is probably the best thing she ever did.


I eventually had to go and work in the basement and some of the talk that went on was just so embarrassing. I came down the lift and one of the first questions one of these "lads" asked me was if I would fuck Jessica Rabbit. I just replied "What? She's a cartoon...." and carried on working. They started going on about all sorts of shit from their ideal fuck to breast size. It made me feel really awkward. I just wanted the night to end.


I've been up all night. It's almost 5am. I haven't got any plans this week. I feel like I literally work on the weekends and then just sit in this chair for 5 days straight. It's pathetic. My head is just a hurricane. I feel so bored, drained, fed up and just lost. Even though I'm going to Sweden at the end of this month and studying will come soon after that. It just kinda feels all for nought I suppose. I'd give anything to be a positive thinker. I just wish I could turn back the clock.


Edd


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