✯Sincerely, Me✯
☯LivingWithMyself☯
Nowhere To Go
“I know you’re mad. But you’re going to have to get over that. Or you’ll be in trouble.”
Oh shit, what are you going to do? Kick me out? Oh wait, you already did.
No I’ll tell you who’ll be in trouble.. YOU. Your stupid ass.
Because I’ll be out the door in a second if you push me because bitch I’m right at the edge.
Even though I hoped this wouldn’t be long term, I know it is.
I really really want to say next time she brings someone in our house she better have another bed to put them in, and she better never give up my room again.
I don’t care if this makes me selfish, or a bitch, or a terrible person.
I’m mad as hell right now.. that’s MY room. EVERYTHING in there belongs to me, even though she BOUGHT the furniture, she told me it was mine to have, and to take with me when I leave.
The room itself is hers, because it is her house.
But there was other options.
I don’t care like I said if being upset about this means I’m a selfish terrible person, because I put up with so much of their shit all day every day.. And the only thing that helped at all is that I did have a space in this shithole to call my own, and to recharge, and to calm down, and be alone when I needed to be..
But they took that away, and gave it to my aunt.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad at my aunt. None of this is her fault. She fell to terrible circumstances.
I’m mad at her stupid kids, and my grandparents.
I want to leave so much. I wish I could just take all my stuff and just move in with my uncle.
Because now I have to wait on another person, and another god damn dog..
I wish I could just leave...
I’m supposed to go to the beach with my uncle and his family next week.. and I was just going to stay here the day before because I really wanted to help grandma out that first day before I have to leave.. but nah. I really just don’t give a shit anymore. I’m staying that night with my uncle.
I really want to text my uncle or his daughter that I really don’t want to be here anymore.. because he’s told me before he’d take me in.. but I’m afraid he’ll be mad at me for the reason why...
I’m so dreading the trip too... because I’ll be away from all of this.. and I’ll be having fun, with a family that really loves me for who I am..
And I’m dreading it because it’s what I’ve been looking forward to for months..
and it’ll be over in an instant. And I’ll have to come back here.. and he with people who don’t give a shit about me, or how I feel.. in this house with no space to call my own.
The reason I can’t leave.. I couldn’t leave my dogs.. because grandma can’t take care of them, and she’ll get rid of them.
But I don’t think my uncle would let me take them with me.. If he did, they’d might have to stay upstairs in the room I’ll be in.. which is carpeted. And Ruger has accidents.
So I’m stuck here.
Sincerely,
NoWhereToGo
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