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Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-05-28 16:15:14 (UTC)

Nightmares

That was the worst sleep I've ever had, and I do mean ever. I woke up several times and every time I fell asleep again, I had a terrible nightmare. It was frustrating, sad and every time I did wake up, I felt like I'd been punched in the chest by Mike Tyson. I just feel like crap.


I was watching Breaking Bad until about 3am until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. The nightmare took place at somewhere called Thorpe Park, which is a theme park in the UK. I have no idea why it took place there. I think I was supposed to be doing something that day but decided not to go and my friends suggested Thorpe Park so I went with them. 3 or 4 of my friends, the girl I like and maybe a few others. I don't really remember. I just remember that somebody told me that my ex girlfriend was there too and my heart just sank. I'm okay with the thought of her and people talking about her. I think seeing her would be extremely painful though. It was difficult enough in the dream. I can remember trying to avoid her because I just couldn't bear to see her, I would have just crumbled. Eventually she did bump into me and it was just awkward. It felt even sadder because I was watching myself, rather than it happening through my eyes. It was almost like watching a film. It was really heartbreaking and I imagine that's likely what would happen if I was ever to see her. I don't think I will ever see her again though. I mean I do think about her from time to time, I will probably always feel some emotional attachment to her and love her in some capacity I think.. I'm not in love with her anymore, I know that much. I still care about her and want the best for her though. She was my first relationship and given the time frame, I owe her a lot. I may not ever see her again but I won't ever talk bad about her or forget her.


I had several more nightmares which more or less led to the same thing. Eventually I decided that I might as well get up for a bit before going to work. They weren't complete nightmares. Some parts were actually okay. I went rock climbing and stuff with the girl I like, that was fun. It's weird to talk about dreams like they are things you've actually done and the events actually did happen. "Oh I went rock climbing, that was fun". It just sounds ridiculous. I guess the bad always outweighs the good and I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a truck.


It's hard to know what these dreams/nightmares mean. I just hope it won't be a recurring thing. I'll just be hoping for a good nights sleep when I finish work.


Edd



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