Vanilla

pushing him away

I'm pushing him away. There is absolutely nothing wrong and I'm just hurting him because that's what I do. Push people away and it's like word vomit I just can't stop I know what I'm doing I know the damage I'm causing but I can't stop because I'm so addicted to feeling pain. So maybe I havnt recovered. My whole thing seems to be not wanting to deserve someone. Maybe I don't want to be happy and I want to cause destruction in the process. This is what I do...I'm a pretty shit person underneath it all. I can't recover and may be it's a journey I should do on my own because I cannot help hurting people.