greatkingrat

Letters To Burn
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2018-05-13 07:46:53 (UTC)

Number Twenty Three

Sitting here in the stillness I realized with full clarity what draws me to you. Your absolute love of life. You live in the moment. They say opposites attract. I don’t know if that’s true. I do know that we are very different. I always wanted the fairytale life. The fairytale romance. I come from a middle class background. I’ve never know what it’s like to be rich or well off. I’ve worked between 40-80 hours every week of my life since I was 17. I feel much older than 39. Music has kept me going. But I read yesterday where another one of my inspirations killed himself at the age of 36. Depression is depressing. Anyway back to life..you’re zest for living in the moment is a revelation to someone like me. I often feel I’m just going through the motions. Watching my own life from the sidelines. Tied to a job I despise. Making payments on a home I detest and bought with someone else who left long ago. I want to disappear. The only things that keep me here are my son, who is only 6, and of course you. I feel I’m being drawn to a precipice. And I must decide if I am going to jump off to somewhere new or fall to the bottom of this....nothingness I inhabit now. Sitting here in the stillness I can relate to you more than ever Scott...I know about death dreams. 36 years is a long time to battle demons ...I know.
Oh Ash
Oh Ash
I want you to tell me everything will be alright
Lie
Lie
Lie to me
My ears are open
My eyes are closed
I am falling
I am
Falling.


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