Scream Above the Sounds
2018-05-10 12:21:02 (UTC)

Pursuit Of Happiness

The sun is shining, Bruno Mars is blasting through my speakers. Today is a good day. I received an e-mail today regarding the course I've applied for in September. I've got an interview on June 6th at 2:30pm. I'm pretty nervous. I've never really fared well in interviews and I'm guaranteed to say something stupid or embarrass myself. Ah well.

It's a step in the right direction. The thought of going back at 27 years old is something I can't really get out of my head and I know I shouldn't be embarrassed by it. I had a really good friend in work, her name is Martine. We were close, she was like my work-mum. She always looked after me, worried about me and we always had so much fun together. She was great, I really miss her. She still works for the same company as me. She just works different shifts to me now. I saw her for the first time the other day in months and she said "What's new about you?!" and in typical, emo-witty fashion, I said. "I dunno, fatter? uglier? more miserable?". I don't mean to come across so emo, that's just my humour. She laughed, shook her head and then said "No, it's your hair! It suits you, love! You look lovely". It's just a lot longer than usual at the minute, I've been lazy. I desperately need it cut. Anyway; Martine was 40 and she was resitting her English and Maths. It stressed her and she hated being there, but she was determined to do it. If she can go back at 40, I can do this.

People have gone back way later and still made a success of themselves and had really good experiences from it. I just need to be open to that, and meeting new people generally. (Something that is on the list my friend wrote for me)

I'm not great with new people. I'm pretty closed off. I'm shy, for about 10 minutes anyway. When you get to know me, I don't shut up. Life has been one big laugh and that has inevitably become painful to deal with. It's time for me to take things a bit more seriously. I don't really plan on making friends. I just wanna do what I've said I'm going to do and try and make something of myself before I fall the other way and fade. If people talk to me though, I'll obviously talk back and try and build some sort of friendship. My friend told me that going back to college is how she met her best friend of 7 years. She said it was one of the best decisions she ever made. So I do believe you can have great experiences and meet really important people that can impact your life. It's not really something you can plan.

Reading through the requirements for the interview, I need to bring my GCSE Qualifications which is going to be awkward. I don't know where they are. It was about 10 years ago and I've moved house twice. I've spoken to my mum about it and she said she would have a look but I've already e-mailed them back to see if it'll be a problem. Hopefully not. When I applied for the course it said it wasn't important or a necessity. I think they just want to try and see what level you're at. It says in the interview that I will be assessed in literacy and numeracy so I don't think it'll be that big a deal if I can't produce them. I also have to research ideas for my "future career" which will be easy to discuss. I know the direction I want to go in. I just need to make sure I stick this out and commit.

This course will offer me a chance to achieve better grades in English, Maths, Science, ICT and Social Studies. After I get through this, IF I get through this. I want to take it further and look at courses in creative writing or journalism. That's my plan.

I'll be amazed and so proud of myself if I come out of this the other side. Lets hope so.


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