Letters To Burn
2018-05-05 02:31:36 (UTC)

Number Five

I was so excited to get to see you two days in a row. It was so bad it started off with your car quitting on my road. Just thankful you were safe and it was a relatively easy fix. I did well to not collapse. I think I understand that I will never get my chance. But honestly if I didn’t have that slim hope in the back of my mind, I’m not sure if I could keep going. It’s no secret to anyone that knows me I battle depression and obviously it’s gotten worse over the years. I always thought I’d be in the 27 club but I’ve made it to almost Chris Cornell territory. I can’t help how I feel. I hope you understand that. To see you with your husband now is just weird to me. I think I’m falling apart. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known. I don’t know what else to say. I think I can confidently say that your feelings for me were never as developed as mine were for you. It’s so odd how it’s become a roller coaster of emotions. A couple of days ago I was unaware that you had ever felt anything-then you tell me about the dream and the feelings...and I couldn’t help but have my heart race. It changed everything. But now...I guess it’s just now what I had hoped..I don’t know what I thought. You told me how it was. But I can’t stop how I feel. I can’t.