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Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-05-04 14:16:23 (UTC)

Heartless

I feel like at this point my ex has been completely turned against me and she's just been poisoned by a waterfall of negativity regarding me. I feel like she's believing things that weren't even there. The guy she's obviously seeing now never liked me and never said anything pleasant about me, so I can only imagine the stuff he is filling her head with now. He was obsessed. She obviously doesn't love me any more and I'm trying to be okay with that, but it feels like she straight up hates me at this point. She said that she wanted to stay friends with me but I don't know what she was expecting from this. It's just an impossible ask. I can't talk to her ever again. I know I've made mistakes in the past, we both did, but what she's doing right now is just as wrong. I waited 5 months and I didn't tell her because I wanted to spare her feelings. I didn't know what was going on or if this new thing was going to be serious, so I didn't tell her. It went on for 2-3 weeks and I ended it. I only told her when we got back together because it seemed the right thing to do. I feel like I'm being punished and she has completely disregarding my feelings. It's crazy.


It doesn't matter anymore what she feels or thinks for me. She has always told me to take care and that she wants the best for me but I don't believe it. I can't. She can't possibly want the best for me by doing this. I feel absolutely dead inside from my last talk with her. Final talk I should say. I've had to block her on everything because I can't ever talk to her again. I'm completely broken by this. From what I'm seeing, it looks like she wants me to suffer. And I'm going to, until I can't take anymore of it and just end my life. I wouldn't even feel guilty at this point. I wanted her to find happiness but this behaviour is so different and she has ruined me by doing this. She already feels like a different person. My heart has broken all over again.

I've got a knife in my back because less than a month has passed and shes decided to move on already. Give it another month, he'll be in my flat, my pets will become his pets. It's gut-wrenching. It honestly kills me. Maybe she already did move on while we were together. This feels like a desperate bid for her to try and move on. I do understand it. It's not a rebound because she obviously thinks very highly of this guy and they were always close. I just can't understand that she completely berated my sister for doing this exact same thing and now she's gone and done it too. It's extremely out of character for her. She shouldn't have told me, not straight away. I don't think she realised how poorly she worded things or handled this, or maybe she just didn't care. Maybe this is what I deserve, maybe this is what she wanted. Maybe she wants me to feel how she felt. Maybe she wants me to suffer. Maybe this is payback. I didn't think she could ever be this cruel, but its working.


I don't really know what else to say. I'm finished.


Edd


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