Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-05-04 01:57:05 (UTC)


This will probably be a long painful one and if you've read the entry before this, you'll know why.

I don't really know where to begin and I'll probably end up repeating myself quite a lot throughout this. I'm happy she's moved on/is moving on, whatever you want to call it. I'm extremely surprised it's this quick though. It's not even been a month and I specifically remember telling her that if I saw her get with somebody else it would ruin me. I think she told me she had no intentions of it and really cared about me and wished the best for me but, low and behold........its happened. My sister did something similar back in February and my ex girlfriend was hugely disappointed in her and now she's gone and done the same thing. It's fucked up. People have told me or suggested that stuff may have been going on with them when we are together but I dismissed that immediately. I know she wouldn't do something like that to me. I didn't think she would just get with somebody else at the drop of a hat though....so who knows at this point. I mean I know they are like best friends and stuff but it's still very shocking and hurtful to see. She mentioned that "they were surprised" that it's happened too but I know that this guy isn't. He's wanted it since day one. He's always liked her, thought highly of her, he's got the golden ticket more or less. He had been going to the cinema with her and buying her flowers and stuff like that too. I'm not bitter that its with him, I don't really care for the guy. I know he absolutely despises me though so he must be lapping this up, big time. I'm just upset generally. People have also suggested that she is doing this to get some sort of "revenge" on me because I saw somebody from work for about 2-3 weeks in 2016 and now she's doing the same thing. I did wait 5 months though. This hasn't even been one month. My heart has broken all over again. I doubt it's that though, I'm sure she'll make a real go at it with him. I just know he's extremely obsessive and aggressive. I hope he doesn't do anything to hurt her.

I don't really know what to believe at this point. I just know that I would have rathered her not tell me anything until they were at least serious about each other because if this doesn't work out or does blow up, then she's hurt me for no reason. It sucks, I've tried to busy myself all day. I almost did something really drastic earlier, I don't know how or why but I ended up walking towards some train tracks near me and had some pretty dark and twisted thoughts in my head. Way worse than I've ever had them. I feel like if something like that happens again, I'll be powerless to stop it. I'm really past caring at this point. I thought I was doing good and this is just the icing on the cake now.

I've had to remove her from social media. All of my friends have suggested it. I showed them conversations of what she said to me today and everybody said she has handled this horrendously, is punishing me and it was a dick move to get with somebody else when a month hasn't even gone. I'm inclined to agree with them but even if I disagree, it matters not. I don't hate her, not even close. I could never. I just can't talk to her anymore. I'm beyond hurt at this point. I feel like she is making an extremely strong effort to get over me and I'm okay with that, but she didn't need to tell me this so soon. I was really trying to get better and this has just completely ruined me. I've told her not to contact me ever again.

Whether things work out with her and this guy or not, me and her won't ever be again. I couldn't allow it after today. She probably doesn't even realise how bad shes hurt me or how poorly she worded things. She's twisted the knife and I know I don't deserve this.