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2018-04-30 17:17:54 (UTC)

Random Assortment - April 2018

April 30, 2018 Monday 5:18 PM

Have been sick. Took a shot or two or, no, actually three (by myself—should I be worried?) and then called my sister on Saturday night. We spoke on the phone from around 1 AM to 2:30 AM, after my roommate had returned wasted and I helped put her to bed only for her to get up again to be with her friends ("I have serious FOMO" she kept saying, haha, in addition to: "Veronica, I am SO sorry, I NEVER get this drunk," but I didn't mind). I felt that I spoke more than Caroline when I called her, and I am somewhat embarrassed about that. I am a locomotive mouth, talking over and into myself.

We covered a lot of topics. School and home and Adrian and Ethan. We talked about my classes next semester, and my classes this semester, and my summer working here, and my sister's 6-month eye therapy and her potential induction into UAlbany's MA program. At first, I didn't think she should do it—because I want her to get out of our hometown, which has this way of sucking people in, as I imagine lots of hometowns do. But Caroline wants to get into a very good MFA program, like the one at RISD (which I so, so, so want her to do, because in my humble opinion my sister is a fucking under-appreciated genius and she deserves a place like RISD—the Harvard of art schools), and in order to do that she has to build up her portfolio which she thinks she will be able to do in an MA program.

It's only a year-long program, too, so maybe it's not bad. I don't know. I believe in Caroline and I get mad when other people don't. Caroline is genuinely one of the most intelligent people I've ever known, but she is so deeply misunderstood by the people around her. "Wise," like Lancelot said I was, but meet Caroline and you'll find she's miles ahead of me. That is okay, that is where I want her, that is where she will always be—miles ahead of me and right beside me. I love her so much! The only consistent love (almost scary, almost idealistic love) that I've ever had in my life. It is not the kind of love I expect to find anywhere else as long as I live. How could I ever distrust her? Even with the whole diary thing—wasn't that what I needed her to do for me anyway? I mean, maybe part of why I was so mad that she'd violated my privacy was that I had already immediately forgiven her. Because I trust her intentions.

Where momma and dad (although I love) could not understand how to care about me, Caroline always just knew.

Maybe I am just being selective with my memory? I don't know. I can never... I never know.
The conversation with Caroline was nice, though. It began and ended abruptly. I made her a little uncomfortable by showering her with praise and I hope that discomfort was just because she's not used to it—hope I didn't say something wrong.

Afterwards I hung out with Greg and Nadiya in the lounge. That was nice. Greg is a funny boy, a funny boy, and Nadiya is always extremely pleasant and confusing as a human being. God, she is one of the weirdest people I've ever met. Someday (never) I'll talk about her. When (never) I have time. Sigh.

I was sick with a low fever all day yesterday, and I went to the doctors today since this is the second week in a row with the sickness. I am feeling better after buying decongestants and stuff, though, and the doctor said it's probably just a virus. I'll be okay.

My Friend by Dr. Dog

*Desdemona by The Alternate Routes

My Bad Days by Okkervil River

Better by Chaos Chaos

**My Lady's House by Iron & Wine

Heaven Sent by the Steeldrivers

Bixby Canyon Bridge by Death Cab for Cutie

Caitlyn by JANK

Cupid's Quiver by Cuco

Debate Exposes Doubt by Death Cab for Cutie

Little Motel by Modest Mouse

**Rabid Bits of Time by Chad VanGaaleen

Bright Star by Eliza Rickman

Hudson Commodore by Jason Isbell

It's Never Over (Oh Orpheus) by Arcade Fire

You Can't Hide by Bonny Doon

Chameleon by Jerusalem

Cocaine Jesus by Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Never Saw It Coming by Tigers Jaw



Leave Me Alone by FIDLAR

40 oz. on Repeat by FIDLAR

Magnolia by Lee Fields & the Expressions

These Kinds of Ice Skates by Joyce Manor

Human by Rag'n'Bone Man

Caramelo Duro by Miguel ft. Kali Uchis

Grown by Jason Isbell

The Devil is My Running Mate by Jason Isbell

***24 Frames by Jason Isbell

...Slowdance on the Inside by Taking Back Sunday

Legit Tattoo Gun by The Front Bottoms

Unless It's Kicks by Okkervil River

***Pyramid by Jason Webley

Sunday Morning Stasis by Joseph Fink

***Paul by Big Thief

Masterpiece by Big Thief

unfucktheworld by Angel Olson

My Girl by Otis Redding

April 8th by Neutral Milk Hotel

********Sober to Death by Car Seat Headrest

***Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales by Car Seat Headrest

Alive in the Septic Tank by Clarence Clarity

*You by Good Morning

Dreams Fall Hard by Car Seat Headrest

I've Wasted So Much Time by Enjoy

Tabloids by Mrs. Magician

Nobody Really Cares If You Don't Go to the Party by Courtney Barnett

Good People (Not What I Needed) by Car Seat Headrest

Answer to Yourself by Softpack

The Strange and the Kind by Surf Curse

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