Cigarettes and Confessions
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2018-04-20 09:06:05 (UTC)


I love to be in control but usually only in bed. I like to give the other person exactly what they want just by using the tempo of their breath. I didn't have sex with Ryan to get physical satisfaction, though. I did it to feel in control of my life. For the past 6 years I have been under someone elses' constant control. Last month, I tried to regain some of that control in the worst way. I had an affair. A very short affair, but I cheated several times in the short month I was seeing Ryan. He came like a drug from off the bat. Being a recluse bc of Danny's constant smothering, I started looking for people to talk to online. That's when I stumbled across Ryan. I was immediately attracted to him in a way that I honestly couldn't ignore. Up to this point, I have utilized social media to talk to a few men in a flirtatious way but only to fill an emotional hole that was growing by the day and I never met any of them. So when I added him, I thought we would talk but nothing would come of it. He ended up messaging me and we hit it off right away. When he learned about me being in a shit relationship, he backed off and that was all we said. A