Scream Above the Sounds
Everything Is Alright
Quitting work seems pretty impossible. I know I really wanted to do it but I think I was just seeing the red mist and not looking at the bigger picture. Having no income would seriously push me over the edge. I'm not a big spender but it's nice to have.
I trained a new starter up tonight, his name is Ethan. Nice guy. Loves his video games so we got on pretty well and had plenty to talk about. Training him up and going through everything with him just mirrored exactly what I posted yesterday. I'm too important. I offer too much in this limited, barren night crew to just walk away. I'd feel guilty screwing over both my managers who are more like friends at this point. 3 years is a long time and we get on great together, we have since the get-go. They need more experienced staff, and fast. I'd hate to sell them short like this. I need to put my happiness first but there's no right or wrong answer at this point. No matter what I choose, I'll still be miserable.
I'm checking my e-mails constantly just hoping that I get an interview for somewhere. I can't just walk away with nothing to go to but at the same time, I won't take any job just for the sake of taking it. It's a vicious circle. The atmosphere is pretty toxic in work but its a price to pay than taking a job at McDonalds or somewhere like that. No offence to anybody reading. I just want to be somewhere I can be proud of. I'm not saying I'm proud of where I am now. Its retail. It's hardly the promised land. But I do feel very important and valued. I'm back to square one and I'm the new guy if I piss all of this away, just to get away from gossip. Gossip will follow you anywhere you go, someone has always got a problem. People just love to cause shit.
Sunday is usually my "recovery day". I'll probably stay up for a few more hours, have some food and just unwind. May roll out of bed at 1:30pm to watch Arsenal/Newcastle but I'll see how I'm feeling. I feel pretty hanging right now. Hopefully I get a good sleep. Usually I'll sleep right through until about 5-6pm but I want to try and make an effort and do something productive this week. My first taste at driving begins on Monday and I'm super excited for that. I've spoken to a friend about joining the gym with him too. I'm too scared, self conscious and embarrassed to go alone. I'd only do something stupid/wrong. I think having a friend to go with would motivate me to get fitter and stronger too.
The plans are there, it's just a case of me being motivated and willing to commit. I hope I can. As of now, everything is alright....
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