Scream Above the Sounds
2018-04-12 17:36:53 (UTC)

Makes Me Wonder

Song of the day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAebYQgy4n4

I don't think I've left the house once since moving back in with my parents. Even if these circumstances hadn't occurred, I probably still wouldn't have gone anywhere anyway. Every day lately has just been rinse and repeat. Wake up late in the afternoon/evening and sit here in my chair until I know it's probably a good time to sleep again. It's not healthy and I need friends, or people that actually care about me to do something. I've never been crazy when it comes to socialising but I miss everything. I miss drinking, I miss playing football, I miss laughing. I've just got no connection or anything anymore with anybody who lives near me.

One of my best friends is now married and I don't even know where he lives anymore. They moved in together almost a year ago. I think it's called Blackwood or something. It's not close to me. I miss them both so much, they're great. Another one of my best friends, my first best friends older brother, doesn't really speak to me anymore. I think that's mainly because of his girlfriend of 4 years. She despises me. She'd never admit it to me but she's supposedly said it to other people and that's good enough for me. The feeling is mutual. She's a horrible person. Extremely elitist, talks down to everybody. Just not very nice. The word I'd use to describe her would be, brat. I really miss him too, we used to do almost everything together. I couldn't even tell you the last time I saw him. I think it was at a bus stop actually, way before Christmas. It's just sad.

I just feel really disengaged and lost. Without my headset and microphone for the computer, the social aspect in my life is literally dead. I've got friends in work and stuff but it's just not the same y'know? The people you grew up and laughed and lived with just...aren't around anymore, and it sucks.

I talked to somebody the other day about starting again someday. I don't know where. Anywhere. I think I have to. I haven't really got anything to lose now.