Do Not Disturb

2018-04-10 20:03:43 (UTC)

Why Am I Even Here?

My ex stopped by the house unattended yesterday. I would've told my mom but she would just ask questions All he ever asked for was where his hat go. I lied and said I don't know when I do. I couldn't tell him that I threw his hat away that would be very incosiderate of me but just to say I did. He wanted a kiss. So, I let it. He told how he tried to talk to me of why he was breaking up with me but I didn't want to hear it so, I blocked him. And because my mom said so. And that was that. Why am I even here? I know God has sent me here on Earth for a reason but... What for??? Its been two days since I haven't heard from Ethan. I believe the only reason he told me he "love me" was because I told him that my ex broke up with me. He told me that he still loves me and that we can be friends. But if, he still love me he wouldn't have broken up with me despite what his family have to say. I thought we were suppose to work things out. But he has let his family get so into his head. I just can't see myself being friends with him and that was that. He left without saying a word. I cried afterwards. I feel empty inside. I don't know if, I could ever love again. I could never see myself being in his life after the shitty things that I have done. It just hurts to much. I doubt me and Ethan are ever going to see each other this week or weekend like it was said. I have given him the address. But I was being so clingy through texts wondering why he haven't answered my calls or texts. And felt like he's forgotten about me or doesn't "love me" anymore or, of how that has all been a lie. But at least I have Jay but we will only be friends. So, much boys but not enough me. I believe he is not interested in me. So, fuck it and fuck him. Fuck everyone. So, far everything I say or done has been wrong. So, why bother.

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The Forgotten One

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