TM49

My History Of Familial Incest
2018-04-08 20:55:11 (UTC)

Hyper To Hibernation

Per the norm, once I exit the hyper sexual state I want to be left alone. The excitement is chased by weariness and I want these men to simply disappear. One I've managed to get rid of so to speak, by telling him I'm not able to walk away from life to live with him...he was sending me pictures of wedding dresses!? Really? How "jumping the gun" is that? Honestly that is to much for me to handle. He is a nice guy and fairly attractive but how can you talk marriage and meeting your grandma with some woman you've spoken to so briefly? I can't trust that so I laid it out and that is done. This other one wants me to be his mommy (rolling eyes) and is asking to meet. Yea not going to happen. The other one has hinted on meeting also. What happened to guys getting to cum and going away?
It's flattering (sort of) and interesting I suppose, but mostly I just want them to go away so I can slouch on the couch and watch Netflix. I don't believe in starting serious relationships from sex calls...where can that possibly go?
I am a dichotomy. I say I want attention but if I get it then I am weary of it and want to be left alone. Part of me worries I only want a relationship on my terms because that is what feels normal and secure. I want (some tradition) and standards. I want romance and old fashioned ever after when you go through life with someone that "gets you" but maybe it is a fantasy I convince myself of. Maybe the type of thing I desire is only that and I am destined for the unusual and quirky.
I have always done better in relationships where I control it to some extent. Not to the level of a sadist "do what I say or else" but where the other person was happy to let me lead. Do I like this about myself? I suppose it's okay because the control is done with love. There is still equality but it appeases my need to let the relationship go where it should go....I don't know, just rambling thoughts....




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