Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-04-07 18:56:05 (UTC)

All In One Night

Well, I'm home. I genuinely feel like I've gone back in time. I'm back at home with my parents and it's KFC for tea. Some things never change I guess.

I hardly slept last night. I started packing before I wrote my last entry. After finishing that, I got into bed and listened to some audiobook on depression. I'll leave a link down below if anybody is interested in listening to it. It's been helping me sleep lately, for a brief time anyway. I'm still yet to finish it. I slept about 2 hours before waking up to feed the kittens for the final time. I then was in and out of sleep for about 3 hours before finally getting up and making a move.

Moving my stuff and finally closing the door to the flat, and what feels like the end of a heartbreaking chapter in my life was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I don't know how I begin to recover from this, if I ever WILL recover from this or where I'm supposed to go from here. People might laugh at this and they are welcome to, but I balled my eyes out when I said goodbye to the kittens today. I kinda feel like they sensed it coming today, they were very nervous, they looked scared. I could tell they were missing my partner who had been at her mum's for the last few days. They needed her back. I couldn't get near Jaina to give her a final cuddle, so I cuddled Raine and let out a thousand tears whilst apologising and saying how much I'll miss them and to be good.

I feel like a failure. I've let so many people down. I'm supposed to be better and smarter than this.

I'm thankful but feel sorry for my parents that I've had to come back here, even if it makes my mum happier, it's not ideal.

The Mindful Way Through Depression Audiobook