Todayy

A southern life
2018-04-03 02:03:11 (UTC)

Feeling older

My birthday is coming up soon and instead of feeling young I feel older. I don’t want to feel older well I want to be mature and have my shit together but I don’t know. My age changing makes me feel more pressured to have my shit together and I feel like I’m suppose to have something already in my life. I don’t live in my own, I don’t technically have my own car, I’m not paying for my own studies, I don’t have a job, and I don’t have any money saved up. I have accomplished nothing! There’s so many things I want to do but I don’t do them. I don’t know why....
oh I also don’t have any friends but that’s like the least of my worries I don’t care about that (I feel like I should tho), oh and I also don’t have a S.O. (I don’t want something meaningful right now, I think all I want is just sex)
So far since high school I got into college I’m studying but it’s boring and I got a job but then I quit and I have won a marathon a 5k and that’s it. Oh also I feel better mentally and I’m really happy with myself I know I deserve better and I’m continuing to learn how to love myself and I want to always be better than tomorrow (see I have a pretty healthy mind. I was depressed and I want to kill myself before and now I don’t. I want better and I will get better!)
That’s pretty much all I accomplished: studying, won marathon, and having a better mentality. I’ve also been more independent (sort of). I went to a concert on my own it rocked! I go to events on my own! I can’t think of things I’ve done alone but I know I’ve done something’s and I enjoyed them! Omg and I’ve also learn how to paint and garden. I also have had a crush on soil mine but it’s gone now but still I’m slowly growing. I wish I grew faster though... omg and I also tried out for a sport! And I need to get better faster at that it I will want to die. So yep!
I’ll get there! Slowly but surely!




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