Of Rains and Snow

Day to Day: Or, Notes to Self
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2018-03-13 21:19:57 (UTC)

White Papercut Fairies

I've been here before many times already. I can hear fragmented sentences in my head that sound poetic to me but when pen touches paper it all dissolves and I find myself babbling. Spotify is finally available in Israel so I've been spending the past few hours getting to know it, updating my musical taste, looking for songs and artists and so on. It's funny. Suddenly the songs are louder in my head.

Exactly a week ago, I got high for the first time.

The back of my throat itched as I inhaled the smoke. The smell wasn't particularly pleasant. I didn't cough until the itch was too irritating. It took a while for it to work but once it did it started with certain heaviness in my head. I got ten times sleepier and my head felt heavy. Another hit. A subtle pressure tightened in my ears that turned into a gentle tickle. It spread from my ears to my temples, to my cheekbones and stayed there in my cheeks. It felt nice and I could smile. After it settled I lay down on my back and closed my eyes. My body seemed to go to sleep but my mind was still racing. It's funny… when I'm inside my head it usually means I'm thinking about something, imagining a scene play out in a story, or a memory, or my own voice starts talking. This time felt myself fall into the abyss of my own mind and I was swirling in a space of cardboard art. A terribly drawn white fairy flew to me and led me through a spiral. I was appalled by the art work and berated myself for imaging such ugly, deformed things. Behind me, a rabbit hole was getting smaller and smaller, from which Hannah, and Robin, and blurry others were waving to me to come back. It was the high, Hannah said. I had to control it. From that moment it was like lucid dreaming. The hideous fairy disappeared and I fell into a vacuum, then slide after slide of saturated images flashed. I went to a field of poppies, daffodils, then a gravel road, I walked along a boulevard. The wind made the grass sway. Light, so much light. Sun. White noise in my ear, a cacophony trying to find harmony—

"Want another hit?" Evan's voice cut through. I opened my eyes, images disappearing, and I shot upright on my bed.

"Yeah, sure."

We didn't smoke it all and saved the rest for another day. We sat chilling for a while then put on The Room. When Sarah came back we ordered pizza. Sleep came as usual that night.