Do Not Disturb

2018-03-07 02:01:28 (UTC)

Hyper Active

I'm very hyper active today and not just only because I had that slushy freezy skittles type of thing that to not only go along with that five dollar craving menu box that he bought for me from Taco bell and we shared. Or, how I also had four Frooties that was just so mhmmm... Good. I've been out for most of the day and that is also a good sign for me because I need to branch out more so that's why you see me wanting me to be woth my boyfriens every other weekend and also by branch out I mean make more friends ( like I have any friends at all I have Lucy but we rarely text... At all at least ) and by make more friends I mean college and that is Huntington College... My dream college and now that I've calmed down and ate the same as the other day pizza from pizza hut. That's probably the only reason why I'm getting so fat. I'm even afraid to eat in public. He insisted on me eating inside where my uncle decides to give him a haircut and because he needed one for weeks and he finally got one and I was gonna eat the rest in the car because I was afraid of other people looking at me. I have gained a lot of weight. The last time I remembered I weighed at least 183.3 ( I'm 5'4 ikr sad 😞😞😞😞😢 I wanna look good in a bikini n skinny but rn I'm not comfortable in one so I only wear a one piece and some shorts to hide my thick legs) and I just wanna make myself throw up everytime I do. I can't even make a decent picture unless I " look good" ( which that rarely ever happens). My boyfriend calls me beautiful but I think otherwise. I have so many insecurities about myself. Its that bad. I'm even afraid to look in the mirror. My face is fat. I'm what they call " thick". And I just wanna be skinny. But then they gonna say " look how skinny you are or, " do you even eat anything". I care to much of what people think and that's only because I've been bullied to much. I'm just an insecure, sensitive, introverted girl. That no one likes and I seem to screw everything up and their are things that's wrong with me. I'm messed up everywhere. I can't even get a job. I haven't even looked for one. I'm to lazy. I sleep and eat. That's the only reason why I'm gaining so much weight. Maybe if I eat I can stick my finger down my throat and make myself throw up to help me lose weight. I heard it works. I hope it workd. I already feel more bad about myself than, usual. So might as well. I need to get on a diet or become a vegan. I need to excesize more and out of how many times that I've said that it never happens. Becaus I'm lazy and everything around me evolves around my boyfriend. I spend so much time with my boyfriend than anything else. Maybe I should stop eatint. Yep. Sounds good. Or maybe not. Idk.

Write more as soon as possible


The Forgitten One