Jake 🇺🇸

Killing Lions
2018-02-28 09:29:36 (UTC)

Love that is inspiring

I haven't posted anything lately, mostly because I haven't had time to reflect. Today my friend Ariana invited me into her home to have a dinner with her. I accepted and it was a pretty awesome night, it went quite well . I learned so much about her and she learned a lot about me. I was amazed at her love. Just her love for her friends and wanting to serve other people. She went on and on about how she couldn't figure out what kind of food to bring, she asked me over text what food she should cook. When I arrived she ended up making this REALLY fancy candle lit dinner. She just seemed really wanting to make everything perfect. Afterwards I was thinking: "What did I deserve to get all of this love?" This makes no sense!! She truly loves her neighbors. I'm just a random person in her life, yet, she treats me like her best friend. I can't even rationalize this. Love isn't rational.

This got me thinking a bit about marriage. I mean, I don't really see myself dating Ariana. She's a student athlete, definitely not bad looking. But. I'm just not attracted to her. Maybe it's the subtleties in her looks? Maybe it's because she's never flirted with me, doesn't like to hold eye contact. It's not like she's into me. Not like other girls. She doesn't seem like she has any flaws.

Idk. I'm just not into her. And I don't think she's into me. (maybe she is but I can't tell). That's why this whole love thing doesn't make sense to me. Why is she doing all these nice things to me??? What in the world did i do to deserve this? Something just seems off. I've never seen this kind of love before, it inspires me.

She's a deep Christian, that's another thing i love about her.

But I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm afraid of marriage or dipping into those waters. I guess right now I just want some fun and to test the waters -- figure out what options i have, figure out myself, figure out how to better love somebody else.

Anyway, running. So yeah. I've been running quite a bit lately. Yesterday I ran with the university run club. I felt sooo strong and powerful. That's what i love aobut running, it makes you feel confident and strong.




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