✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2018-02-22 22:50:07 (UTC)

You Are Such a Fool


Dear Reader,

I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now.

Nick updated his diary, and he basically is talking about how he just met someone, and he's super attracted to her, and she's perfect, and they've been talking for three days straight..

I can't help but want to like.. laugh and cry at the same time.

Because it's so fucking funny to me how I left him, and even though he might've cared or was upset about it,
I'm already replaced, and part of the past..

Like, isn't that so perfect?

He was being a shithole to me, not listening to me, being self-righteous, arrogant,
And as hard as I know it was going to be for me to be alone, and I was his only best friend left...

He finds someone new to fill my place in no time, and says he might be in love with her..

If there was even a slight chance of me returning, it's completely gone now.

Screw you, Nick.

I was actually coincidentally reading his old old posts last night, back when we met, and he thought he was in love with me,
And I was blown away just how much he's changed.. how he slowly stopped giving a damn about me, but not just about me, but how different he is.. I knew he had changed, but it was eye-opening reading those entries.

Just look at this old email he sent years ago vs. the last one he sent:

"Please tell me this was a mistake...

What happened? Why have you either removed, blocked, or any of that to me on Facebook?

I entrust that this isn't something you'd do to me... Please tell me you didn't..."

And here's the newest one:

"I have no clue if you still use this email or not, or if you will even answer. I didn't even know this was your email, it took me a good long while to figure out that it was you and not my first ex lol. But I digress.

Do you have someone to talk to?"

Obviously, I don't expect someone to be stagnant and not change over the course of three years,
But he's just.. become such an ass.


He used to be sweet, and caring, and understanding,
And now he's short, inconsiderate, and unempathetic..

As much as I want to say something to him, I know that the best thing I can do is just let him go, and not talk to him anymore.


I'm sure people here read my diary and think that I'm fucking crazy with the shit I write about here...
I used to get all kinds of feedback, and I made friends here.. dated people here.. pretty much every person who became the most important to me in my life, I met here.

Nick was one of those people.. and no this doesn't change the good years we had together..
But I can't say I'll look back and remember him with fondness...


And as extreme as this all may sound.. It's really just been building up to this point for pretty much the last year of our friendship...

I have such mixed feelings about this whole situation..I watched a new show last night, listening to new music.. and..
Time seems to pass by so much slower when you.. feel raw and exposed, and remember that you're a person, that you're living, and that you're here right now.. you're real.. when I feel this way, I remember how I felt like this all the time as a kid... everything moved by slow.. I watched the light move across my ceiling, I knew I was real.. I knew that I was here... I was raw, and exposed,
And it's crazy how easy it is to forget that.. and what brings me back to that time, what makes me remember, is change.
Like when I get used to the cold, and the warm weather returns... When I listen to new music, or watch new shows.. or lose people, or meet new people who stick around.. when I'm deep in conversation with my aunt in her car driving down the road...

As for Nick and his new love..

He pretty much thought he was in love with me the third or fourth day we knew each other, and this may be more, this may be less.
But I'm sure if they end up together somehow, the way he is now, it won't last.

If he treats her problems and issues the way he treated mine, I'm sure of that.

You're a fool Nick.
You are such a fool.

-Sincerely,
ButIAmToo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UolKQWoWyQY





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