LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2018-02-20 07:01:16 (UTC)

O, how sleepy I am, O!

"The Moon is Down" by Radical Face

I like the way you talk about all the things you've seen
You make the world seem small for a time
Though it's still too big for me

All my life I've watched you dance along
To music that I can't hear
I ain't equipped to hear those songs

February 20, 2018 Tuesday 6:02 AM

Ho, I am sleepy. Oh-so. Right now I am in the fifth floor lounge on the yellow couch and it is a little frigid and there is a 16 oz disposable cup of coffee on the table that Moby brought back from work from me something like nine hours ago now. At the time, I didn't drink it because I'd already had two 12 oz at that point in the day. My sleep schedule has been out of whack this weekend.

I had a Biology exam on Friday, which I think went okay. I didn't feel very good for the rest of the day although I am not sure why. I just felt physically ill, all nauseated and sweaty. Moby and I went to dinner and then watched some stuff back in his room, I can't remember. I think we tried watching The Conjuring but, god damn, it was so bad that we had to stop partway through. We took a walk and played the slap game, where you just slap the back of each other's hands until one person is forced to retreat. We did that for like an hour or however long we were walking, but in the end we called a truce and I held his hand in his pocket. He invited me to sleep over, since his roommate was out this whole long weekend, but I didn't feel good and I was genuinely worried I would puke so I went back to my room. I felt fine when I woke up the next afternoon, though.

On Saturday, all I did was homework pretty much. I did stick around talking with Karina for awhile before I had to go eat dinner before work. It started knowing pretty heavily while I was closing the cart (that day, I had to throw away fucking 25 bagels, not even considering the countless muffins and croissants!!!! so sad. I took a muffin, croissant, and bagel back with me though). Karina and Moby were outside the window attempting to grab my attention for who-knows-how-long and then they came in and waited me to finish up and we ran around with the bag of baked goods that become my responsibility, to either throw away or give away. We couldn't find a lot of people out and about in the snow at 11 PM on a Saturday night (most people were probably with their friends or getting drunk, but probably both), so we ended up throwing most of it away, which Karina and I both mourned. Karina attributed the mourning to our hispanic mothers' voices in our heads, but I have a hard time believing anyone would feel okay throwing away that much fucking food. God, terrible. It was all perfectly good.

We slid around in the snow on the main green chucking snowballs at each other for awhile. It was mostly Karina and I against Moby. He is annoyingly skilled at pelting people with snowballs! He also dropped me in the snow like twenty times, but also maybe I deserved it because pretty much every time I threw a snowball at him I aimed at his face and I definitely got snow in his ear at some point.

After that, we went back to our dorm and I took a shower and then we all sat around in Karina's room and took shots. Karina and I got extremely drunk extremely fast. I actually, for the first time, do not have a crystal clear memory of what occurred that night??? I guess??? We at some point went out into the hallway and smoked weed with some of our fellow dorm-mates. They ended up having to call EMS on a girl who was in a dangerous area of drunk (puking and unconscious, I think). Oh. We also ate pizza. I'm sure all of us looked terrible, with our red swollen eyes and half-slid mouths and just. Bad, haha. At some point, Moby had lifted me up (he likes doing that) onto Karina's bed and I had my legs around his waist and Karina was like, "I'm going to the bathroom and I expect you guys to have a good makeout sessions while I'm gone." Haha. We did not. I am still somewhat afraid of kissing him, and I am waiting until I am more comfortable with the idea. I am impatient, but if I rush myself things will turn out shitty. So I just let him pepper kisses everywhere else on my face and hands. And also sometimes our faces are very close, noses slotted against each other's and I am so relieved that that is the extent of our interaction, because I enjoy the intimacy of, like, semi-consciousness and shared breath. I am choosing not to overanalyze the why and how at this moment, because god knows I do that enough at nights and in the mornings until either I fall asleep or I can't stay asleep.

Karina eventually kicked us out so she could sleep and we went back to Moby's. I slept over. I slept surprisingly well for having been tucked in a twin-bed with a 6'2" dude all wrapped around me the whole time. I mean, I woke up a few times here and there, but it was overall way better than the first time I slept over a couple months ago when I was all freaking out the night of and the next morning. Yeah, this time was pretty good and comfy. I do love the domesticity of "romance" if that's what you can call this, haha.

Today, I just did sooo much homework and wrote this big ass long ass essay and fuckin' read a good portion of Lord Jim (god that book is hard to read. It's so dense and contains so much seafaring terminology... harder than Wuthering Heights, for sure). Just now, I finished a book for my Literature class: the Prophet of Zongo Street. I liked it well enough. Now I should probably start writing my short little paper on that book, though. I haven't done my calc homework. Or, well, I started it but was hindered on one of the problems and so never finished the portion that I should finish today (I, you know, parse out the problems over a few days). I also didn't do any biology homework. I don't think I had any reading???? But I had this optional gene mapping worksheet I wanted to do. I started it but that's about it.

Sorry, this is all a big nothing of an entry. I am trying to keep myself awake. I am up right now because I couldn't get to sleep. I am debating going back to my room to sleep, but I don't want to disturb my roommate and I am worried if I go to sleep now I won't want to wake up before noon, and Moby wanted to see Black Panther's 12:15 showing. Ugh. It's light out now. I should definitely go to sleep. Maybe.


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