Darkcrow

Beatrice
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2018-02-08 20:54:53 (UTC)

Month 2 of 12

So...yeah it's 2018. Whooo....

I don't fuckin know. This year has been going alright thus far. I mean...yes and no, you know? Recently...Keith and I resolved everything, whatever everything was. I'm not sure.

Well actually let me back up. Since about well...a little after my abortion so....September Keith and I started getting into arguments. And then it got to the point where we were arguing every day. It sucked and the arguments would last for hours and sometimes they would last all day. I don't know why we were the way we were but we've fixed it now and we're all better. Before we did though, Keith tried to leave me like 3 times. Two of those times were in the same week! It was crazy. Man...that last time though....it tore me up in ways that I didn't think were possible. Like you know in the movies or TV shows, people feel so devastated or surprised or just emotional in general that they fall. It's like their legs just give out for no reason. I literally thought that type of shit was made up until it happened to me. I mean, fuck....I...I literally just fell down and bawled. I didn't mean to, I didn't do it on purpose, you know? It just happened. And I cried and I told him that "I can't do it on my own." That's the lowest that I've ever felt. I knew I had hit rock bottom then...But um....I don't want to talk about that anymore. Keith and I are back together and we're doing good. We haven't had any fights since then so...yeah! I'm feeling pretty good and pretty positive about where we are in our relationship right now. So that's great! (For once.)

Schools is also going pretty good. I got my first paper for the semester and that's pretty great! Um...yeahhh....Oh I've been doing not so great actually. I didn't turn in three assignments for this stupid class I have to take because I'm on academic probation. Also, I um...I got to do something else.....OH YEAH! I fell behind in some readings which stinks but that's okay. I have two papers that are due next week and I outlined the first one tonight and I'm going to try to get it done by the end of the weekend. Ideally, I want to finish it early Saturday but I doubt that'll happen.

Oh yeah. I almost forgot it's almost my birthday! I have no idea what I'm going to do for it yet. I think I want to go to the Korean bbq place that Julene showed me that one time. It was SOOOO good. Or I can just go get roman for my birthday. I've never had the real thing before. I bet it's soooo good. Julene thinks that pho is good and I think they're simular. I kind of want habtchi or something...wow listen to me talking about food I need to talk about my birthday! I still don't know what i'm going to do for it....besides attend class BOO! I might skip my favorite class, you know? Just go to Disney instead. That would be great! I think if we get tickets through the school it's way cheaper! I want Julene to go with me since I get to go for free!! OMG the waterpark! That would be so fun. fuck if she doesn't go, I'll go. Just for me.

But I'm defintely not going to my LEAST favorite class on birthday. Life is too short for that, you know? OOOH! Maybe I'll go to dave and busters! I've never been and I've always wanted to and arcade games are like my favorite thing in the world! That would be super great. I think that's it then. Dave and Busters :) Yeah...that's great. What I really wish, for my birthday, would be to see Keith but I can't, it just SUCCCKSSS! I miss him so much now but that's in the past now. Well...not in the *past* more like, the future. I'll see him soon enough. I've started counting down the weeks. Four is where I am now, I think. I think it's almost three (since the weekend tends to flee from us.) It'll be four weeks on Saturday..well...I guess technically.

Also, also, I've started getting back into anime. Only have Tumblr to thank for that. I don't exactly have like...an anime I'm watching right now but lately, the creator of fairy tail has been posting basically fan servicy type things for on Instagram and I've been keeping up. Also, also, also, I've heard that the end of fairy is coming this spring...actually let me check REAL quick to see if it's on yet. I doubt but...it's always great to check. I didn't look very hard but...meh I didnt think I was going to find anything though I REALLY hoped I would...But I think I'm going to try and find a slice of life/drama anime. My heart has healed after that School Days fiasco. GOOD LORD. Okay maybe I'm not but FOR FUCK SAKES! Okay, okay! First of all, THE ENDING! THE FUCKING ENDING!!!! Second, he's was a bitch ass hoe. A fuckboi bitch ass hoooooe! And he was just cruel to his first girlfriend, I mean.....I mean the insanty they put me through. AGAIN, FOR FUUUCKKS SAKE! Anyways, I'm done. School days was a bunch of fuckboi nonsense anyways, even though it was innocent to begin with but...to each his own I guess..,,,,I'm still mad. It's whatever. But I think my list right now would be...
Pet Girl
Ajin
I think I want to finish Clannad...even though I know there's going to be a sad ending
Ummm...the one that's been sitting in my list on netflix for a while
and....idk I want something drama related, you know? Something that'll make me upset and get my pulse going in a "OMG GIIIIRL!" kind of way.

Also, also, also, also, I'm trying to draw again. I haven't completed anything in a long time. And lately there's just been sketches of human anatomy....WAIT NO. NOT LIKE THAT! Just like...the body...nothing explicit or anything. Even though there was that one drawing but it was pretty shitty anyways. I think for my birthday I want a new sketchbook. That sounds nice. I'm almost out of room and I'm just going to throw it away once all the pages are used anyways...so I might as well. Idk...I think I just really want to try and get really good at drawing again. I don't have much that I'm good at, you know? I don't do sports, my drawing sucks still and....school is alright, I mean, I guess I'm good at writing but I don't really want to do anything with that. Not that I want to do anything with drawing either, it's just that, for as long as I can remember I've always wanted to be better than Whitney at drawing...and life and general. I think I'm on the right track. But yeah...drawing. I just have to work on that. I'm scared of failure which is why I don't like drawing anymore but yeah...I just have to keep trying and I'll be better at in no time.

Alright, well, I just wanted to write because I've kinda been thinking about it for a few weeks PLUS I'm now back on track for my new years resolution. HURRAY ERIN! So....yeah. I'll write to ya later!


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