atomheartmother03

A Saucerful of Secrets (Warning - Sexual Content!)
2018-02-05 21:58:28 (UTC)

If I trust in you, oh, please, don't run and hide..

It's been a while since I've written.. I haven't really had anything to write about, but I also took another leave of absence from all things related to this site. I made yet another futile attempt to "be good". Sometimes I feel guilty about this secret part of my life, but I guess everyone is entitled to a diary, right? The only problem is, this diary comes with much more than just a diary. ;)

When I first started writing in this diary, I met someone on here and fell soo hard for him. It ended exactly like you would expect a relationship of that nature to end, so I swore to myself I would NEVER develop feelings like that for someone online again. I found myself getting close to that with another online friend, but fortunately enough, he fell off the face of the earth. Do I miss him and wonder how he's doing? Sure. When I make a friend, whether online or in real life, I still care about their well-being. So, if you are still on here, you should know who you are and I hope you are doing well...


So, those two instances aside, typically for me the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder just does not apply. Usually for me, it's more of an out of sight, out of mind type of thing. If I go a while without seeing, or in the case of this diary, talking to someone, I usually am able to shake any feelings that may be starting to form. So, normally a little time away allows me to regroup and realize that my feelings weren't as strong as I thought or that I was just caught up in the moment. Basically, it allows me to forget about it and start fresh. It makes it easier to remind myself that someone is just my friend. (Time away from "him" did wonders. I hardly think about him anymore!)


However, it seems that against everything I have told myself, there is someone that has made a very lasting impression on me. I can stay away for extended periods of time and still miss this person with incredible intensity. What does this mean? I don't entirely know, but it seems that I have developed some sort of feelings for this person.. That's all I'll say right now.. And, truthfully, that's really all I know.. I just wish we were in the same damn time zone! haha!




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