Its Just Me
crying myself to sleep
To be honest, I nearly forgot about this site. Which is a good thing cause it means I tried to not think about the negative sides of my life.
but ..... As i tried to escape my useless thoughts, I ended up in here again.
Ive been very down lately. Nothing seems to cheer me up. I guess I can only blame myself for all the things that happened to me.
If I can choose who to be in my next life, I hope i can be someone else. Someone who's confident, stronger, happier, friendlier, better and sociable. I hope i get all the the good qualities that I don't have now. but most importantly i hope there would be someone who would love, support and cherished her more than anything. i hope she never gets lonely.
In times like this, I often don't have any one to talk to. No friends or lover to share my worries, thats why i write in here.
Ive been constantly rejected. I wake up and look at my mails and all i get is rejection emails. I dont even get messages from anyone. So pretty much, all i get is rejection everyday. Lately Ive been doing a lot of thinking, wondering if theres something out there for me. Ive been having sleepless night where the only way I can sleep, is to cry myself to sleep. There is so much going on with me but at the same time there is nothing going with my life. Ive been trying so hard to get away from anxiety and toxic thoughts. I feel like I am not wanted, like my life is such a waste. Sometimes I think that maybe id be better off if god comes and take me with him. I don't see no point in my life. I feel useless and worthless. Right now, I cant even get myself to love me. i dont even know where i belong. My life....No.. I dont even have a life to live. Im so frustrated, lonely and depressed. and i hate myself for that. I am so emotionally drained. I would have asked for someone to save me but I know no one would come. I tried to talk to my family about my depression but every time i bring it up, they just get upset and wouldnt want to talk about it. They either get too tired of hearing it and get too sad about it. I stopped telling them. So keeping it to myself has been really hard for me. Every morning I wake up and I just want to go back to bed and sleep. Sometimes I just want to stay asleep forever. . to not ever wake up.
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