Do Not Disturb

2018-02-03 01:16:21 (UTC)

My mind is elsewhere

Ethan claimed his love for me the other day ( yesterday) once again... He also told me how he loved me and that it hurts him to see me with another guy ( a.k.a. my boyfriend). But we're just really good friends that happens to know each other for a really long time.. I also told him how I missed us hanging out and such he did too ( of coarse he did). He just needs to understand that I have a boyfriend of whom I truly LOVE... But a part of me still have feelings for Nathan. I mean I knew the kid since we were little so If guess you can call us best friends. I followed Lucy on Instagram and she followed me back. I don't think she wants to be friends with a girl like me... I mean why wouldn't she... Look at me. I once waved at her through texts from messenger over Facebook... She never waved back. I guess its because I'm to nice for her to be her friend... For anyone at that matter. The so-called "friends" that I have on Facebook aren't really my "friends". I just want a best friend to stick by my side no matter what. Ethan and I are just friends. Theirs nothing wrong with having a guy best friend while having a boyfriend. Is it??? My boyfriend doesn't even know about the guy that I grew up with and that he's only considered a guy's best friend even though a guy like him have feelings for a girl like me not knowing why. And the fact that he doesn't care if, I have a boyfriend pisses me off... A little bit. But me and him are just friends... That's all we'll ever be... Until now. I have not yet once thought about Derrick not once. Well sure yea I dreamt about him like once or twice... Or three... That doesn't mean anything. Now he's gone ( military). Far away from me as possible... I be damned if I have to see him again he messed me up so badly in the head ( which I highly doubt it and a good thing that is). I've never been so bored with my life... In my entire... Life??? Nathan video chatted with me out of nowhere for a while then he hung up because he had to fall of a sudden go back to work. He's not that much of a texting type of person but that is just fine by me. It was cool seeing his face again. But we're just friends.... At least for now... I think I will become a vegan... Won't hurt to try. I never knew Nathan writes his own music he told me that it was only two songs I listened to one of them and its actually really good.. No lie necessary. I like talking to him. He also says they he gets all sorts of butterflies when he's around me and its weird because guy never do. I guess he means that he gets nervous when he's around me. I hated showing my face so I turned the camera off. My face just looks even fatter... Or my neck at that... Or both. I be damned if my boyfriend would ever fimd this and rewds this mist likely he won't because most of the things that I wrire in here are very personal... MOST. One of my favorite shows has its final season finale. I was pretty bummed out to hear ( K.C. Undercover don't judge me ik I'm 19 but idgaf honestly) but you can always watch re-runs. Mom agreed and said yes with me going with my boyfriend this weekend into spending the night with him and his family up in Bibb county. In surprised she even said yes but I'm glad she did. I get to snuggle with him and watch him sleep. Okay... That didn't sound creepy at all. It be nice to see his other laf of the family for once. I hope their noce enough to accept me. Not that I care even though it may seem like I do and its only a little bit that I do. I'll tell you how it goes in my next entry from when we get back. And besides I'm 19.... Its not like she can't say no... He's my boyfriend. She would've said yes either way. I'm so psyched. Hopefully I won't be ignored like the time when his brother showed up unexpectedly.

Write more as soon as possible


The Forgotten One

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