Thomas

Confessions of a goddess
2017-12-07 19:01:07 (UTC)

The downfall

Relationships have never been a 'must have' for me. I have been single, happy and independent for almost 5 years.I never needed a man to make me happy or to satisfy me. Education has been my top priority but somehow this one guy managed to have me wrapped around his finger. The problem with this guy is that he does not know whether he wants to be serious with me or if he just wants to play around. Initially, when we met, he told me that he wanted something serious. However, recently he told me that he wants to take things slowly and just go with the flow. I am a "fixed" woman, I have routines and plans that I flow. I have a regime, a system of how I do things so I cannot just go with the flow. I need to know if he wants something serious or if he just wants a casual thing. I need to know if I should let myself fall for this guy or not.

I feel like he is using me though. He would always call me at night and ask me to come over to his place. Once we are done with each other, he would rudely ask me to go back home in the morning. After all the rude things he has done to me, I still find myself defending him and I realised that I am catching feelings for him. It sucks and it hurts. I have never felt like this before. I used to be carefree and the thought of liking someone never comes into my mind but somehow he changed it... but I don't even know if he wants me.

You see... if he does not want to be serious, why would he tell me about his favourite things, why would we watch his favourite movies, why would he play the guitar and sing for me, why would he open up about his past at me, why would he show me pictures of his family, why would he want me to meet his friends because his friends are his 'family'... Why? If it is just a casual thing, why even bother to tell me all these things?

I know we are going with the flow but I need to know if he is willing to commit or if he just wants to fuck around. I seriously do not know what to do because I find myself crying every night because I don't know what to do. He has become a big part of my life. I am confused.




Ad: