Habibullo-Eugene Kiselev
A Synopsis of my Life
January 7th, 2018, Sunday, 07:33:00 p.m.
Yekaterinburg, Russia. GMT 05:00
This was my day of sadness again. Nevertheless, I am exceedingly grateful to my Mom who has bought the freshest and tastiest pizza and bread this afternoon. She tried to cheer me up; she succeeded in that, but just for once. Following some 30 minutes, I again fell into sadness, resentment and a feeling of complete despair; things were going in a circle as usual.
Okay. It was also today, when I have at last finished the first part of my translation for the geological scientific journal. Having completed this translation, I went about editing “THE THRONE OF LUCIFER”, a longer poem I have finished in 2012. This longer poem was published in “I’d Like to Stop the Earth…” my very first book of poetry. As I have already written here, it caused me a lot of troubles, spiritual sufferings and woe, I prayed for several minutes each time I was getting back to it so that the powers of Evil could not have devoured my spirit. However, it is now high time I returned to it and made some corrections in the light of my new ideas about writing free verse and also writing epic poetry. So, I have worked with it for a while tonight, it did not cause any resentment or fear for now. This was just technical work after all, I almost did not try to alter any imagery, the latter will happen later, I think. Nevertheless, I am still feeling some kind of fear; I think I will be standing in awe of God while editing “THE THRONE OF LUCIFER”. Anyway, the six-year period of 2006 – 2012, when I was writing it, was a consequential and I would even say fateful period of my life.
Also today is the Christmas Day in the Russian Orthodox Church. Time for fun? Maybe. To be honest, I cannot share this joy. The joy has long ago departed from me. Will it ever come back? We will see.
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