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2018-01-15 11:31:14 (UTC)

There’s distance

I can’t tell what’s on his mind. He told me he’ll discuss it eventually but he’s acting so distant lately and it drives me nuts. It seems like he’s going through a lot. Pain, dread, stress—I can’t pinpoint how he’s feeling about his life right now. But that’s the upsetting part to me. Maybe right now he needs a partner who can help him make his life a little less stressful. Or one who can give him some advice. Or one who can give him warmth and just listen to his struggles. I feel useless because...I can’t give him any of that at the moment. It feels like even though we’re going to see each other in person in a few days, it won’t really help this divide I feel between us. He’s texting me coldly. He is uncomfortable with me at the moment. I guess I cant expect him to feel okay instantly after I apologize, people handle forgiveness at their own pace. I feel selfish because I’m focusing so much on what I CANT give him. Because maybe that means he won’t love me. I can’t stand loneliness. I feel awful. Am I supposed to give him space? Am I supposed to be more concerned than I am now? How could I even ask this all without being selfish about it? Asking these questions center my own internal struggle to get him to open up because I’m scared of being left. Perhaps he just needs someone to listen. He isn’t one to take advice from others, especially when you haven’t been in his position. That’s where our differences really clash.