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A southern life
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2018-01-13 03:44:26 (UTC)

Museum

I went to a museum today. It was a African American museum and it talked about the art and culture and all of the wonderful strong smart black people in the U.S.
I will admit I was jealous. How come my people didn’t have their own museum. I’m pretty sure we have a lot of smart and wonderful men and women. Why doesn’t my race get the same appreciation?
But I came along a picture that was taken of a black man tied to a short pole. He was on his side, his knees and arms were tied up to his chest. He was basically tied up into a ball. The description said “if one of the black men “sassed” to the officers they tied him up like this. This was one of the ways of torture for black prisoners”
Then I came across a sign “whites only” it was a old sign painted with blue letters on a wood plate. Next to it was a glass case. It had lots of advertisements for -or- of black people. They had black toothpaste that was labeled “blackie toothpaste for black people. As dark as charcoal”
Then there was a dark brown doll with big white eyes and big read lips. Hair was braided and her dress looked raggedy.
I got over my jealousy because I realized my people didn’t suffer the way black people did here in America. They really went through hell. They have so much soul and fight, they still use it, every single day in this country. This racist sexist country.
When I first went for a visit to my country, I felt this weight lift off my shoulders. The pressure in my chest was so no longer there. I felt free in a way. When I headed back to America i felt heavy again. I wanted to cry. It wasn’t until I got home and I was lying in bed when I realized why I was so sad.
I felt heavy in America because of the eyes that are set on me.
I felt free back in my country because the eyes were off me. The eyes were off me because I realized I was surrounded by my people. In my country everyone spoke the same language, everyone was the same color of skin. I felt at home for a little while.
I’m too American to live in my own country.
Although I do feel free over there I couldn’t relate to anything.
The thing is I also don’t feel like i am a part of the U.S. either. I’m not a rich white straight male in the U.S.
I am soooo far from that.
But the thing is I don’t mind feeing unwanted anymore. I don’t mine not fitting in. This where I was born this where I grew up. I grew up with my parents culture and an American culture, if anything this makes me more American than anyone. America is a mixture of everything and everyone. You will never feel like you truly belong here but what will make you feel better is if you add your part in. Make room for yourself here. Add your flavor to the dish. And then you’ll feel a little at home. I believe that one day America won’t be so racist. It’s possible. I also believe that it won’t be sexist either.
People will look at and think “why where they so stubborn? Why were they so stupid?”
I think that when I look back at the history books. I think how silly was for them to think that the world was flat. I think it was silly of them to think that gingers would turn into vampires.
So one day sexism and racism will be dead. I have hope.
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