Do Not Disturb

UnDiscovered Girl
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2018-01-03 21:36:56 (UTC)

Can't sleep.... Again

2:36 AM

I didn't go to sleep until,around four or five last night because I couldn't sleep ( as usual). I'm the kind of girl that likes to sleep all day but you don't see that happening now do you. Sometimes I just can't stand to be around Malachi. I texted Malike saying that Ray was making sure that they made it their okay and he told me to tell him that he did because he was using my phone at the time and plus his phone is off as well so he could only text through messenger through Facebook.
I texted him as soon as I got up so I'm assuming that he's still sleeping since he didn't get home until around six or seven in the morning because he got off at 6:45 AM because of the night shifts he's been having.
He wanted to have sex yesterday before he went to work and so we did because he wouldn't leave until I said ," Yes." And so I said ,"Yea sure." And that I'm glad I said it. We had sex in my room but my mom wasn't here at the time and I admit I was a bit horny until he makes me then theirs no choice of it. I know its wrong but I had to get him to shutup. And that will probably will probbaly be the last time with us having sex because he has been working night shifts lately and I will be dong nothing but the usual.
I hate my writing. I'm not as experienced as the others on this diary website but at least I have those 9 followers and the funny thing about it is that I've only written about the crazy boy drama I've had throughout my life. And me having trouble problems about those crazy boy drama as I've always have.
I wanna start looking for a job because I don't wanna be considered lazy all my life because I'm not that type of person to be called lazy and if, I don't have anything to do I guess being on my phone and being trapped in my room counts....I really need to watch my eating habits because I've gained a few pounds and I don't want to be called fat and that I have even by my own brother ( who is only 12 years old btw). I can never do anything right. I get mad over the simplest things. Nobody likes a nice girl. Because they don't. I try and I try but I just make everything worse at least that's what I heard from some people and the thing is that I care so much about what other people think of me when I have a sweet loving boyfriend who actually cares about me and actually calls me beautiful for once he makes me happy. I know that I've said this a lot but this one actually does but I keep doing dumb things because I'm afraid to be hurt and he knows that. He trust me sooo.... Why can't I ???!!! The only reason why I texted him was because I liked him but that will be no more. To be honest,I wished I stayed a virgin until I met him but things happen for a reason and me having sex with Tony for the first time meant nothing to me he barely knew how to put a condomn on and says to the guy that kept stalking me. And the funny part about it is that he continues to break my heart when he went out with who I thought was my " friend" but wasn't my "friend" at all. Matter of fact nobody was. I'm the kind of girl that likes to stay to herself. I've been through to much but I stay on letting it happen to me over and over again but that will no longer be and I hate myself for it. I'm nothing but insecure,sensitive (physically and emotionally) almost adult teenage girl. I wish I would go back and change what I've done but like I said before things happens for a reason. And this diary has been a moral support throughout those excruciating 8 years of my life not only including my handwritten diaries. But hopefully to say college is better than, high school if, I ever get in no matter the cause. But honestly I'm scared to live on my own. Not knowing what to do. My mom was right. But I'm here to prove her wrong.

Write more as soon as possible


The Forgotten One