We were beautiful before this went down
One thing I wish I could do with (greater) ease is waltz into a downtown bar at 11:49 when I'm feeling this alone. Walk in, real non-descript, no one pays any heed. The barkeep says something like "what'll it be, mister?" and I have a couple drinks and mingle with the late night locals. And not instead be standing in my bachelor apartment kitchen writing a diary entry, lamenting about mental illnesses and physical ones, making it weird. I don't want to be the most disabled guy in the room all the time. I've been envisioning things, seeds, that could be blossoming for me in, if I wasn't shackled to.... this fucking mess.
That's a lie, I keep thinking about how my wife was unhappy for almost our entire marriage.
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