Do Not Disturb

2017-12-29 20:27:46 (UTC)

Losing Weight

I hope to see him today if not then I don't know what I'll do. I'm already bored as it is. That's why you see me wanting to spend everyday woth him but I know he to has to breathe from me as well. Its sad but I know its true. I know I'm to old to be writing dear diary but who am I to judge this is a diary. So, in this diary I can do or say whatever the fuck I want. Never even knew their was a rule to even writing in a diary because its not. I'm so bored right noe but at least my dog is keeping me company. Well,somewhat keeping me company. I don't know what I do without him though. Yes I still feel fat. The last few days ever since the doctor to not drink drinks I've been drinking water but hopefully that will help me lose weight. The reason why I'm so eager to lose weight is so I can fit it on everything I try on and as of right now I wear a large. And everytime I look in the mirror to try on cute clothes that barely fits me it doesn't and I hate it every bit of it then I stand their with nothing but a bra and panties and I see stretch marks around on my arm,and as well as my stomach and I hate that I have stretch marks. I mean I know we women go through with it but I hate it so much. I could barely fit on the clothes that I was trying on for a weddding. Surprisingly enough I fit into a large type of clothing now.
Is it a sign that I'm getting fat???? I don't wanna be fat. I already feel fat. I hate the little pug that I have right now. But at least my boyfriend likes me for who I am. I hope so. I ate two plates of gritz this morning with some chopped up ham left overs from Christmas that was a few days ago. Sometimes I just eat to eat when I shouldn't have. Maybe I sgould eat small amounts of food. Like yesterday I had some McDonald's when all I should be getting was a Mcflurry vut instead I got a burger and fries when really I already ate two manwhiches for dinner. I just wanna eat just to eat. And to sometimes eat my feelings away and its entirely unhealthy. I am 19 now. I hate that I do this and I don't excersise often. And to be honest I don't at all. That's probably why I've gained so much and all O do is eat,sleep,and be on my phone 24/7. Well,ever since I have no job. I don't want to be considered lazy again. Like I've always have. And I don't want my mom to think that my boyfriend is the only thing I carw about. I do care about him and I know he to is busy as well. He has things to do besides texting me and calling me all day even when he to loves it. I could be walking my dog right now and that's exactly what I'll do. At least that's doing something. Instead of laying arounf and being called lazy.... But no more will that be.


The Forgotten One