Grace

Smells Like Adult Spirit (But Not Really)
2017-12-26 01:27:55 (UTC)

Merry Christmas

Happy Christmas.

It was a good day. I think stuffing my face with food is a good distraction. Disordered eating at its peak when I'm home. Seeing family that isn't my immediate family was great. My dad wasn't on his best behavior. I avoided him the entire day. Even now, he's sitting in the same room, watching football and not speaking to me. C'est la vie.

I got a lot of presents. Which I always feel a bit guilty for. Some of it is what I need, but a lot of it is indulgence. I did however get something amazing - a little portable victrola. I snuck away for about 2 hours and listened to everything from Billie Holiday, Chet Baker, Daniel Caesar, Mac Demarco - anything I had on hand. Perhaps the most bliss I've experienced since I've been home. I'm thankful for that.

I think I have to focus on gratitude a bit more. I think on the surface I believe I'm thankful, y'know? Like, I say please, thank you, and appreciate that my parents have given me the life that I have had. But I think it's something I need to actually feel. To feel thankful for the life I have, not to take things for granted. Focus on the positive. Focus on what you have instead of what you haven't. Think I'll try to think about that more.




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