Do Not Disturb
Me and Ray had sex for the first time in months and not just any sex... Car sex and itwas always and always sill be hella amazing. I finally got the chance to meet his brother and he's pretty buffed up for a 5'7 kind of guy. Considering he's in the military. His wife..... I hate that my boyfriend have more in common with her than me. I hate that he talks to her and not including his brother more than me. I felt invisible while being over their... at his place. I hate having that kind of feeling. It always happens to me. I wanna cry. I know I can't have my way but when it comes to him I do. Its normal. That's my worst fear yet. I just wabna cry. I feel better when I cry. I have work tomorrow from 4-10 .... I can't sleep. I wish I was a great writer but I'm not . I feel fat. All the time . Everytime I eat. I feel as if I don't wanna eat anymore. Or better yet starve myself to the point where I can be naturally skinny or like the "other girls". Sometimes I feel like I am not good enough for my boyfriend. I know he loves me and I love him but that's not the point. . I feel like I mess everything up by telling people how I feel. Its that terrible and I just wanna cry cry away the pain. I feel lonely..... I went two years without friends in high school because the kids in my school were all fakes. And never really cared. I got bullied... Now that I have a boyfriend I can't be anymore happy. All the guys I've dated treated me like shit and they will one day realize that. I don't know if I'll ever forgive them. I know God said to forgive but.... Why should I??? I'm not perfect. I don't feel pretty enough. But my boyfriend thinks so. So if he do then I do. I hate my job. I'm suprised that the one mean nasty old lady that has not been fired yet. I wish she was things be a lot more easier for me. And for the good of the people. I've had this diary for exactly 4 months now going on 5 as of next year. . I was looking forward to having my New Year's kiss with him but it looks like its not gonna happen anytime soon since his job has been in the way . But the sex was great....
Write more as soon as possible.
The Forgotten One