Vanilla

Empowerment

I slept with Dewar. And it left me feeling rotting anxiety...maybe because I was liking him or maybe it was this need for approval. Whatever it was..it ended he ghosted me after I freaked out. But weirdly that helped me. Two nights ago I ended up going back to All's house, we didn't have sex but stuff happened. And guess what, I don't care! I don't feel anxiety, I don't feel fear or sorrow or anything. I feel nothing...maybe a little horny but that's it. Nothingness. Indifference. I have been wanting to feel like this forever, absolutely forever and I'm finally here. I finally don't care, I can finally lay with a guy and not have it effect my self esteem or who I am as a person. it isn't a reflection on how they feel about me anymore. it's about me and how I feel about myself.